Look, fam. I’m not a snob or anything. Lord knows I didn’t grow up in money. I live in South B. Please note, not anywhere fancy within that area, I rent an SQ from a pastor and his wife. I don’t even own a car. But how the hell does one ignore a rat?
I’m at Rob’s house and I heard some rustling in a corner, which he asked me to ignore. Hell, no! I read once that rats can chew on your ear in the middle of the night while you sleep and gently blow as they nibble so you don’t feel it. This nigga thinks I’m going to let a creature chew my ear off and I didn’t even get some? He must be crazy! I slide off the bed and start getting dressed.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“Look, I didn’t come here because I’m destitute. I’m going home…” Dramatic pause. “Where there is no vermin,” I conclude.
He lands a fist on his pillow, the first sign of any emotion this evening, but still doesn’t say anything.
Sigh. Whatever! Chill by your selos with them rats, boy! I walk out and I don’t look back. I need another plan. This guy is not going to cut it.
“If you had called me earlier, asked about my day, I’d be on top of you right now,” he had told me earlier.
What the freaking hell is that? So I was denied the only thing he’s good for — sex — and he thinks I’ll stay behind and cuddle him as his rodent guests peek at us from the corner of his room? I think I’m living in the twilight zone.
Ok, fine. I’m not 100 per cent innocent in this. If he showed up at my place drunk at 2am, I wouldn’t be trying to sleep with him, either. I probably wouldn’t even let him in. I’m mad at him because of other issues.
Because he owes me for my bike. Because he can’t step up and be a man. Because I don’t want to take care of a guy. Because I expect a man to get out of the damn bed and kill whatever shit goes bump in the night. Because we are not freaking compatible. Because the sex is so damn good and it’s all I want.
There, I said it… It’s all I want. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him. Not because he’s broke — that sucks, but it’s not static. Money comes and goes. But this guy douses my flames. He makes me feel bad. He drains my spirit. Every single time I walk away from him it’s with a heavy heart, never with a spring in my step. I leave him feeling bad, all the damn time. He does not make me happy.
Am I unlucky in love? At some point I must question the random issues that each and every single man I come across seems to have. Rich, poor, good-looking, average, it doesn’t matter.
They all leave me running for the hills.
I need to start exploring the theory that maybe I’m not drinking from the same fountain as everyone in the village. They are all batshit crazy and I’m the only normal one, but that’s a lonely life.
Maybe I should drink the same shit and go as mental as the lot of them, and not find all this crazy behaviour, something I can’t live with. I’d accept it as… Normal.