Everyone wants to be successful, superior, Mr Big, better than your fellow man. We seem to be always engaged in a perpetual circus of one-upmanship, out to outdo the next
man
or woman.
Why this is the case is debatable. Some scholars argue that competition is a biological imperative that evolved long before our brains to ensure our survival. But as I said, it’s debatable.
That we are a competitive species is a fact, whatever the reasons. That we then compete on the basis of “one person wins and the other loses”, that “if one is big the other must be reduced in size and made to feel small”, is evident. The problem with what we call big, successful, better than the other guy, is that it’s framed in only one way: money, cars, houses, bank balance, bling — material things. And that’s why many people show off stuff they know others can’t have.
Being made to feel small and insignificant is a part of life, unfortunately. Many bosses and most people in authority can’t help but cut others down in order to feel big. We even encourage it, for I’ve seen in some of our dailies young people being advised to be obsequious to their superiors in order to climb up the corporate ladder.
My feelings about this advice are: long after that superior has retired, and no matter how high up you go, to that man or woman you brown-nosed and bootlicked, you’ll always be Igor — the snivelling, hunchbacked, lantern-carrying crippled assistant who works for Dracula and finishes every sentence with the words, ‘Yes, master.’
I tend to think, or maybe it’s I’d like to think, that bigness and smallness is an illusion. It is a powerful and vivid illusion, I must admit, but like all magic, the spell to this illusion can be broken. You just have to remember one thing, not do two things, and know one thing, in that order.
It’s about perspective. Remember that. This means that if you go up a skyscraper and you look down, you can’t tell who is fat, thin, tall, short, wearing a Rolex or a no-name watch. All you see is dots moving. It’s only when you’re on ground level that you notice all these other, material things. Much in the same breath, being made to feel small by society because you’re not Mr Big is subjective, and often a look at things from the wrong perspective.
As for what not to do, first and foremost is do not try to prove yourself. Do not have the complex to show that you’re worthy. If they don’t get you, or respect you, don’t waste your time, move on. Trying to prove anything to people out to make you feel small, and having to fit their mould or live up to their standard, is a distraction from your path. Show up as you are, and let that be enough.
No one can make you feel small, unless you let them. So do not let them. Make it none of your business what people say and think about you.
And finally, know who you are, and what you’re about. Hold your head up high and you’ll be Mr Big, or Ms Big, where it matters — in your mind, and your purpose.