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November 14, 2018

FELGONAH OYUGA: The rise of woman-eaters

Woman eater
Woman eater

A young man brought his bride-to-be home. His father would have none of it. The young man had no source of income. His wife to be had a modest job. They said God would supply their needs. The man’s father insisted a man provides for his family. What kind of man lives off a woman?

Well, many a man today lives off women. I blame women for this. It is our doing and it is becoming our undoing.

We start them on this woman-eating journey as young boys. Sissy is married to Juma. She does not expect much from Juma. Juma does not disappoint. They have a boy child. Boy Child watches as his mother works a government job, runs a kiosk by their house and a hair salon to provide for the family. His father is present. Just like the chairs and tables in their house.

Sissy buys a family car, which Juma takes over. She pays the insurance, fuels the car and pays any mechanics’ fee. Even when Juma is arrested for traffic offences, Sissy will sort him out. She however uses public transport.

Sissy pays school fees for boy child and provides his material needs. She is a good mother and provider. She buys Juma’s clothes, feeds him and sends money to his mercenary mother. She thinks she is a good wife. Society applauds her for keeping her family together. She is a valued church member. God hates divorce.

Miss Independent grew up in a home where her father was absent. Her mother struggled and worked hard to bring them up. When her mother wanted to take her father to court, she was discouraged by family members. God always provides and he would give her strength to look after her children. After all, the man would one day come back.

Miss Independent and Boy Child meet as adults. She is used to paying her way. She thinks if she does not burden Boy Child with responsibilities, he will hang around. Unlike her father. They go out on a date she picks up the bill. Always.

He sends ‘Please call me’ messages and she calls back. He goes drinking with his boys and sends her the till number and she pays their bill. He looks tired, so she plans a holiday and pays for it and he ‘attends’ the holiday and takes numerous photos for the gram.

Miss Independent is a ‘ride or die’ girlfriend. She is not materialistic like other women. That is why Boy Child likes her. Society further tells her a good woman builds a man, she holds him down! Boy Child starts driving Miss Independent’s car. He needs money, you know, to pay bills and what not. So she gives him her debit cards. He moves into her house.

Boy Child has had a dream of starting a state-of-the-art car wash. Miss Independent takes out a loan for him and helps him set it up. She continues to fund it and service the loan as Boy Child has never been responsible for anything, not even a cat. She then pays for a wedding, most likely even her own dowry, they have children and the cycle continues. The churning out of woman-eaters.

There are cases when a child’s father is dead, mad or a reptile.

In such cases, dear women, raise men that you would wish your daughters to marry. On that note, I am putting together a list of parents raising useful African human beings. If you are one such person, get in touch. We are back to the era of finding our children suitable mates.

I know we went to Beijing, some with hairdressers in tow, but let us not forget certain principles. A man must be a man. Do not let badly behaved men off the hook by cheating yourself that you do not need any man to pay for anything and you can do bad all by yourself. Hold men accountable. Be good role models to your children. From you they should learn how a woman should be treated. Your sons should learn their place in society .

Men are providers (not of heartaches) and protectors. Until we hold them to this, what we allow, is what will continue.

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