Arrrrgh!” I scream. The pain is excruciating. I lied to the doctor about how far along I was. I didn’t really have a choice. The prude’s wife was sitting right there. So I took the risk. He had spoken of cramp-like pains. “How bad could it be?” I had asked myself. Now I know.
“Arrrgggh!” I scream again.
I’m at home, having been discharged earlier. I’m bleeding very heavily. This cannot be normal. What do I do? I don’t have the doctor’s number. I can’t very well go back to the hospital and tell them I had an abortion there. They’ll turn me away. No one wants a dead patient on their hands after committing illegal acts.
“Arrrgggggh!” the cramps are getting worse. I lie in my bed in the foetal position. I don’t consider myself a disciplined person, but tonight I must see this out. I must bear whatever pain I go through. I have little choice. Besides, I probably deserve it for all the pain I have brought to others. I’m a blackmailing little whore and karma is knocking on my door with gifts. Each cramp has me hallucinating. It’s as if God Himself is standing on a cloud, looking down on me, and saying in a thunderous voice: “Reap the whirlwind, Samantha. REAP IT!!!”
Earth-shattering cramp quickly follows.
“Arrrgggghhhh!” I cry out.
I wonder if the pastor and his wife are deaf. Can’t they hear my screams? I try and muffle my head in the pillow. How will I explain to the man of God how I went to terminate a pregnancy? His wife will of course be pissed off that I was even with a man at all, seeing as she has a crush on me. Maybe that’s what I should do. Be with women from now on. That way I’ll never have to experience this level of pain again.
The scream sounds more like a cow’s moo with my head buried in the pillow. I desperately need the willpower to survive this night. I have it in reserves since I haven’t denied myself anything today.
Do you know that we all have a limited amount of willpower that becomes depleted as you use it? Let’s say you wake up in the morning and force yourself to go for a run even though you are exhausted from a sleepless night. Then you go to your favourite coffee shop and resist the strong urge to bite into a delicious croissant, whose aroma is tempting your senses. Thereafter, you drive to work and resist the urge the join the other overlappers in traffic. When you get to work, someone has a birthday and you say no to a slice of the most delicious-looking cake you’ve seen in a while. At lunch you skip the fattening foods that have been laid out on the buffet in the office cafeteria and have a salad. By evening, your willpower reserves are very low, and when a colleague suggests a drink, you jump at it. You shouldn’t be drinking because you are on a diet, but you convince yourself that a few low-calorie drinks will not hurt. You will probably get home plastered. Now if your day had started out differently and you woke up feeling very…
“Arrrgggghhhh!” I scream again, this time out loud. Crap. I couldn’t keep that muffled. That was a horrible one. I’m shaking. Deep breaths. That’s better. Sorry, what was I saying before?