Anyone who thought that there surely could never be an app designed purely to track the frequency of morning erections is, alas, sorely mistaken.
Roman, an online erectile dysfunction medication company, just launched a new app called
Morning Glory
that does just that, providing an outlet for men who are interested in keeping a record of how often they wake up with an erect penis.
And since they say 'morning wood' is a sign of a man's health, the app also makes sure to celebrate any ongoing 'boner streak.'
Roman is a service that offers access to physicians who can diagnose men with erectile dysfunction online and prescribe medication for the issue.
But the company is interested in men's overall health — of which morning erections are a great indicator.
"Turns out one of the best indicators of a guy's overall health is whether or not he wakes up with an erection," the company explains.
"If you wake up with morning wood it means your blood flow and
hormones are working properly, and that you're at a lower risk for things like diabetes, heart diseases, or other chronic diseases."
So as a way to draw attention to men's health — and get a few laughs — Roman launched Morning Glory last week.
Every day, users are met with a prompt to note whether they woke up with an erection that morning.
If they say yes, the app will celebrate their 'wins' with fun GIFs. If they say yes three days in a row, they achieve a 'boner streak'
"Woohoo — you're on a boner streak!' the confetti-covered message reads. 'With three erections in a row, it looks like your hormone levels + bloods are flowin' without a hitch."
Users can also look at a calendar that marks off every instance of a morning erection.
Though Roman admits that the app is a bit of a joke, it insists 'the medical reasoning behind the app is real'.
"Erections are complex,' they explain.
Your hormones need to be released on-demand, your nervous system has to release the relevant signals, your brain and your body need to be in sync, and your heart has to pump six times the normal blood flow.
"So if you're experiencing a diminished erection, it's often the first sign of a far more serious condition that could be brewing. Think of ED as the man's equivalent to a car's check engine light."
They also hope that the app will make it easier for men to talk about these health matters.
"Talking about erection issues is so highly stigmatised," they explain. "Men rarely talk about them, not even to their own doctor. So even though ED is the earliest sign that something might be off, men wait until things get worse before talking to their doctor."
Since the release last week, users who have downloaded the app for iOS have left positive reviews.
"I don't even know why I downloaded this but it's actually so funny," wrote one. "I laughed out loud using it two days in a row. Also cool to know morning wood is healthy."
"Well made, hilarious, and very educational. Highly recommend!" wrote another.