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June 25, 2018

Raverend Reloaded: From Supreme verdict to Alcoblow tests, Tekno fun

NTSA official and police during an Alcoblow test for drivers at Nyali Bridge road block on December 6 last year
NTSA official and police during an Alcoblow test for drivers at Nyali Bridge road block on December 6 last year

As I begin to write a new chapter of my book, titled 2017 page one of September, aka the month of "Sepetuka", I can confirm that 2018 is now definitely around the corner and it's fast approaching...

So if you haven't achieved your targets or resolutions set for 2017, you're better off postponing everything to 2018... August has been the month of the Politician... Everything and anything that has transpired has been affected or infected with politics... From the supremacy battle at the Supreme Court, where A-list lawyers took each to school, to Parliament, where we saw a bunch of confused newcomers sworn in as MPs...

Big up to PLO for reminding the rest of us that he's the only beneficiary of the 8-4-4 system of education... As for the rest of the lawyers at the Supreme Court, all I can say is that it was a good platform to audition their skills to all Kenyans who collide with Lady Justice... depending on the weight of your wallet though!

#TheRaverend, on behalf of Kenya Voters and Drinkers' Association (KVDA), would like to appreciate the magnificent seven who listened and passed a ruling on the election petition... We as KVDA believe they did a good job, so the next time we meet at the bar-counter, all drinks on us... As for the next breed of MPs who bought new suits and looked clean during the swearing-in ceremony, all drinks on you going forward...

Still on matters Supreme battle, I was among the millions of Kenyan men who stayed up until Sunday 8am, waiting to see a man make Sh30 billion in 36 minutes... Yeah, the Mayweather en McGregor fight was very painful for most men... But we still did stay awake and watch two men make billions in under one hour... Right now everyone is talking about Mayweather's perfect record in the ring of 50-0, totally disregarding his record on assaults of seven women! In #TheRaverend's opinion, Mayweather lacks the balls to take on anything he ain't sure of winning. Loudmouth McGregor, on the other hand, took a dare in an unfamiliar territory. Mayweather fought safe bets all his boxing career and only finally accepted PacMan when he knew he was done/toast with his career. But with all that said en done, both men put up a good fight and walked away billionaires...

On issues "Juala", GOK has given us an extension of another week, so let's use that as closure and time to say goodbye to all our "Juala" stock... Alcoblow is back and this time around, the gadget is hi-tech... Rumour has it it can test your DNA, among other things, so drink and drive only if you want a free DNA test...

Schools have officially opened. So on top of rent and house shopping, don't go to the bar before you have sorted out school fees... In fact, this is the period when fathers get treated by all Baba Zeros... Yes, if you don't have a child, you're buying drinks until further notice... My Governoreee Mike Sonko has hit the ground hard, promising to automate all payment systems at City Hall. No more dealing with cash money... He has also promised to reduce parking fees to 150 bob, so now I can start drinking in the CBD in peace...

This being the first weekend of the month of September, don't go too hard on the bottle... Don't party hard, my fellow party people. In fact, this is the weekend real party animals decide to call in sick and avoid the bar, because it being end-month, chances of your salary disappearing without a trace are very high... We have the vulture waiting at all the drinking holes, just chilling for that fat wallet... So avoid your usual bar. If you have to go out, go to a new place, where they don't know you and you don't know them... Only problem with drinking at a new joint is that you have to be extra cautious because the barman is not loyal... and the "Mchele-Team" in that particular establishment are unknown too you... You have to watch your back, your drink and your wallet!!! Best option is to drink at home...

Biggest event happening after the Supreme Court ruling, we have Tekno Miles from Nigeria performing live at the Ngong Racecourse waterfront next Saturday... The Nigerian sensation landed on Wednesday night. He will have a club appearance at B-Club on Thursday and another club appearance at Memphis on Friday, entry free... For a family meet-and-greet, you can catch Tekno Miles at Big-Square on Mombasa Road on Friday from 1-3pm... With his live performance happening next Saturday... This will be the first chance for Kenyans to come and relax and party after the August 7 election... So come ready to Pana and perambulate.....

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