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November 19, 2018

Samantha's Chronicles: Stabbed in the back?

People constantly lie to themselves about three things: they view themselves in implausibly positive ways, they think they have far more control over their lives than they actually do, and they believe the future will be better than the evidence of the present can possibly justify.

Two psychologists quoted in the TV crime show ‘Luther’ held this premise to be true. We are still at the gas station and all is not well. Mr N, who is standing some distance from me, on the phone, is fading away from my vision. Everything is, actually. I have tunnel vision right now. Everything around me is disappearing and all I see is the gas attendant in my field of vision. I’m feeling very hot; my body temperature has shot up from nowhere. Something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

They think they have far more control over their lives than they actually do.”

Why do I keep hearing that statement in my head? What am I missing? It’s like my subconscious is trying to tell me something. Calm down, Samantha. There’s no need to panic. It’s going to be fine. Mr N will be back any second now. He’ll know what to do. He’ll take me to hospital. I’ll be fine.  

“…They believe the future will be better than the evidence of the present can possibly justify.”

That damn ‘Luther’! Am I lying to myself?

“…They view themselves in implausibly positive ways.”

Do I view myself or do I view someone else in this deluded positive light? What have I consumed? I ate some fries. I drank tea. Walking into the shop that I went to at the shopping centre was a random act. Too random, in my opinion, to have that woman or her son want to harm me.

The only other thing I’ve had to drink is the scotch offered to me by Mr N. He came to pick me up and had more than enough time to spike my drink with something. But why? Is he the one I view with a halo? In an implausibly positive light? No, it can’t be him. And yet… He introduced me to Nabil. He stopped me from going to the police. He gave me something to drink that may be causing all this havoc right now.

No. I can’t believe Mr N has anything to do with this. I won’t believe it! If he’s responsible it’s probably to prevent me from going to the police. He probably wants me to sleep so he can talk me out of it in the morning. Cheeky bastard. I can feel myself slipping from consciousness. The last thought I have before I pass out is again from ‘Luther’. In my mind, it’s almost said in mockery:

 “…They believe the future will be better than the evidence of the present can possibly justify.”

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