I love my new partner, but he keeps reminding me he’s had more lovers than me — which is true, as previously I’ve only slept with my former husband. When we’re in bed, he’s always trying to impress me, as if I should be grateful for his prowess. How can I stop him cheapening the experience?
It’s amazing how some people think notching up a long list of partners automatically makes you better in bed.
In fact, close observation suggests there are plenty of erotic skills you learn only by being with one person over a lengthy period of time, establishing trust and intimacy, and learning to explore their psyche.
And, yes, it’s excellent news when a man is familiar with the female body, but tedious if he wants a trophy for it. On the surface your man seems to be overly self-confident, but his needy, look-at-me behaviour suggests he’s actually insecure.
Why else would he need to brag? A truly considerate sexual partner does their partner the honour of making them feel equally skilful. As any Shakespearean lover could tell you, great passion has more to do with mutual attraction and strength of feeling than mastering the Kama Sutra.
I can’t help wondering if your partner struggles in other areas of his life — such as professionally, or financially — which makes him over compensate.
Dealing with a fragile ego is always tricky in the bedroom. You don’t want to seem dismissive or ungrateful. After all, if there’s one thing worse than a conceited (but attentive) lover, it’s one who doesn’t bother at all.
Tell him that you love him and agree he’s wonderful in bed, but that you don’t want to play the appreciative innocent all the time. Explain that it’s time to give up the ‘master’ schtick: all you’re asking for is a partnership of equals where you’re both thankful for having great sex.