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January 17, 2019

I can help Kenyans divorce from all politics

It was the kerfuffle in the Kenyan twittersphere over the Pope’s “Jubilee” tweet that got me thinking the time has come to free the people from the cult of Siasa aka politics. If we don’t do it we are doomed.

The fact that so many people could get so worked up by a message that had absolutely nothing to do with politics - the Pope said on his twitter handle “The Jubilee is the party to which Jesus invites us all, without excluding anyone” - was what convinced me that it is time for an intervention.

Deprogramming my fellow Kenyans from their destructive, divisive politics will be the toughest task ever, but a necessary one. But before we can begin we just need to confirm one last time that Kenyan politics is indeed a cult.

Look at your political party of choice and tick off the qualities it has from the list below. I can assure that with my degree in psychobabble, that if you find one or more things which apply to your situation, you are indeed in this cult of siasa and need deprogramming as soon as possible.

It won’t be pretty, as all Kenyans will know from TV shows and self-help books, admitting you have a problem is the first step to curing it.

Here is the list, I used every quack’s reference library, Dr Google, to come up with it:

-Does your preferred political party or as we are in Kenya, political alliance, have a charismatic leader?

-Does it have a central administrative programme?

-Is there a probably very subtle degree of intellectual limitation, so outside ideas or interaction with non members are not encouraged

-Is there a system of repercussions in the cult, sorry, political alliance, such as expulsion?.

-Is there a system of development, where certain people are groomed for certain roles?.

-Is there a tithe, membership dues or other system of getting money from members, rather than earning it externally?

Actually on closer inspection this list could work for a political grouping, a religious movement or even a chama - whatever floats your boat I suppose. As for me my bugbear is with politics.

Deprogramming works very much like an exorcism and frankly if I wasn’t fearful (is paranoid a more apt word?) that religious leaders were also in the Cult of Siasa, I’d appeal to them to help.

As we begin the process, I’d like to ask all of you to think, really think about how politicians and their politics make you feel.

To paraphrase Professor Wikihow Guide (my other consultant and a contact of Dr Google’s) you, my fellow Kenyans need to figure out how to recognise controlling or manipulative relationships. You need to ask yourselves whether your relationships with fellow Kenyans, who may support other political parties, are increasingly filled with tension every time the question of politics comes up? If so, this is a major Red Flag and you really should step away from the Siasa right now.

I hope you feel this has been of some help, please pay the cashier on the way out.

Follow me on Twitter @MwangiGithahu

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