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November 19, 2018

Ask Valentine: My hubby is bugging me to try anal sex and it’s a big no-no

Anal sex
Anal sex

Hi, Valentine,

 

My husband wants to try anal sex but I am not interested.  He even said that that is what he wants for his birthday. 

 

I have said no but he keeps bringing it up. Please help me? What do I tell him.

 

Hannah

 

Woi, Hannah! That is a tough one. On the one hand, you are married to this man and committed to giving each other sexual pleasure for a lifetime.  

On the other hand, you are an individual and you have objections to certain acts and boundaries as to what you will allow to be done to your person and body.

Anal sex is taboo for many reasons and you didn’t go into your reasons for saying no. 

Might it just be ‘eeewww’; it sends an unpleasant shiver down your spine? 

Perhaps you fear what it might do to your anus, which, after all, was designed as an exit not an entry way? 

Are you convinced that your vagina should be enough within your marriage and this is more than you signed on for? 

Do think it is demeaning and unnecessary?

I imagine you said yes to many of my suggestions and might even have a few more to add. I hear you. 

This is a no-no for you and you would like your husband to respect your wishes and drop the whole issue entirely.

How about you give him what you want most in this situation: a listening ear. 

Has he told you why this is so important to him? 

Does he simply want to do something naughty? 

Or might it be about having full access to his wife? 

Was it always a fantasy of his and now he finally wants to try it, or has he done it before and wants to share an amazing experience with you? 

Hear him out, then ask him to do the same with you.

He will be a special kind of jerk to keep bringing this subject up once you take the time to explain yourself.  

If all else fails, you can scare him by pointing out that aging gay men sometimes end up using diapers and even tampons as a result of having damaged their sphincters from years of having anal sex.

 

Please let me know how it goes? 

 

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