I do not end up in a cathedral when the sun comes up. The guilt I was feeling last night has mysteriously vanished. So much for saving my soul. I brew some coffee and ponder my next move. Time to update my partner in crime. I send a text message to Mr N.
Me: I’m ready for guy No 2.
Mr N: And GG?
Me: Mission accomplished.
Mr N: That was fast.
Me: Why waste time?
Mr N: I’m impressed.
Me: Should I say, “thank you”?
Mr N: How was it?
Me: What do you mean?
Mr N: You know what I mean.
Me: I don’t kiss and tell.
Mr N: Scale of 1-10.
Me: What you mean to ask is, if he is better than you?
Mr N: I’m certain that he is not.
Me: I don’t kiss and tell. Guy 2?
Mr N: Guy number 2 will not be as easy as GG.
Me: Any particular reason?
Mr N: I’ve heard things about his anatomy.
Me: What kind of things?
Mr N: He is rumoured to be a hermaphrodite.
I pause. Is this guy serious?
Mr N: Ha ha.
Me: You want me to sleep with a guy that has two sexual organs?
Mr N: Look at it like a gift from science. You can fulfill your bisexual fantasies all in one package.
Me: LOL! That’s hilarious.
Mr N: You can meet him tonight?
Me: Wait, I haven’t agreed to this yet.
Mr N: What’s your star sign?
Mr N: The kinkiest girls are Scorpios.
Me: Who told you that?
Mr N: I’m well read. Scorpios and sex are virtually synonymous.
Me: So I will automatically sleep with a hermaphrodite because I’m a Scorpio??
Mr N: No, you will sleep with a hermaphrodite because you want Sh2 million from him.
Me: You’re crazy.
I place a few emoticons indicating my incredulity. He responds with some of his own – they are all dollar signs.
Mr N: I’m going into a meeting, let’s talk later.
I toss the phone on my bed and drink my coffee. A hermaphrodite? What? How? But I must say my interest is piqued. I’m not wholly sure of his motives though. I doubt this is about the two million. He probably wants me to sleep with the guy just to confirm whether he truly is a freak of nature. Information that he will probably later use against this poor man. As for sleeping with someone with two different sexual organs, well… why not? Ha ha. Maybe he’s right. Perhaps Scorpios are the kinkiest women. Anatomically, Scorpio is always associated with the genitals. It’s the ruler of the Eighth House – The sector of the birth chart associated with sexual intimacy, orgasms and all things erotic. If someone is going to want to try something different and trust me, this is way left field, it will be a Scorpio.
I was born on November 20. True, I’m very hypersexual and passionate. It’s always been this way. Growing up, I remember that long before my age-mates were even curious about sex, I was asking questions about it and gathering information. I have never realised that my inordinate libido is because I was born in November.
I wonder what star sign Mr N is. He seems just as messed up as I am. A hermaphrodite? Wow. Whatever. They need love too, right? I grab my phone.
Me: I’ll do it.
Mr N: Good girl. I knew you would.