Valentine you are going to laugh at me but I need help. I have liked this guy since we met on campus and finally we started dating. The other day we decided to hook up and it was bad. I don’t know if I was nervous or he is just bad in bed lakini it was not working out. I was just waiting for him to finish. Now I don’t know what to do. I thought this was it but the bad sex is making me want to dump him. What do I do?
Ha ha ha Sheila you are right, I am laughing but not at you… I think we are laughing together. You like a guy for years, you finally start dating, everything is going well and then what should have been magic ends up tragic. Ouch!
I feel you. Underwhelming sex is a reason to dump a guy. That said, you have liked him for a long time and you both could have just had an off day. It happens. You might both have been nervous and you deciding to ‘let him finish’ might have turned the pressure up and made a bad situation tense and awkward.
But you can recover. I don’t know your relationship but maybe you can inject some humour into it and try to laugh about this? He has had better sex and so have you. You are great together outside the bedroom so why not laugh about it? Start by making fun of yourself and see what he says.
Gentle self-deprecating humour will let him know that there is room for improvement, that you do not think it is his job to fix your sex life, that you are willing to try and that you can laugh about it. Many married couple cannot talk about their sex lives much less laugh about them.
Now that you are laughing, show him rather than tell him what you like. Just grab his hand and take it where you want it to go. Kiss him how you want to be kissed. Touch him how you want to be touched… then ask him what he likes and do it.
Another thing, you cannot ‘let him finish’ anymore. It does you no favours and trust me, he didn’t enjoy ‘finishing’ under those circumstances. In fact it might have embarrassed him and even hurt his feelings. Next time, get involved. Stop the proceedings and change positions. Take a break from intercourse and go back to foreplay. Turn some music on and see if it changes the tone and rhythm of the proceedings. Get involved. It is your sex life too so jump in there and participate fully. Can you imagine if he had decided to ‘let you finish’ as he lay there staring at the ceiling? How self-conscious would that have made you? Would you have been able to finish?
Do not beat yourself up Sheila. In a few years when you are lazing in bed on a Sunday after a very sexy morning, you will remember this and laugh.