Valentine, how do I get my husband to try new things in bed? We are about 40 and I am bored after so many years. I recently ‘got my sexy back’ after four babies and I am feeling good lakini the guy is letting me down. What do I do?
Well, congratulations sexy Violet. It must be so gratifying to be raising your kids, looking and feeling good. Well done.
And now for the husband. The poor guy must be so intimidated. One minute you were in clear mummy mode, maybe with a few kilos to loose, hardly any time to put your make-up on and get your hair done… then suddenly POW! The waistline is back, lips are glossy and the eyes are twinkling with mischief. Meanwhile, he still has the extra kilos and his sexy hasn’t been around in a while.
Give the guy a break, or at least the chance to catch up. You can also speed up his journey back to sexy by cooking healthier meals at home. I read an article online the other day where a woman was saying how working out with her man has added a whole new level of closeness to their marriage. It’s no secret that sweating together will improve the quality and frequency of all other sweaty activities
Once your man starts to feel good about himself while naked, convincing him to try new nude things will be so much easier.
Also make sure that you encourage his efforts however small. Celebrate his little victories and congratulate him. Remember positive conditioning worked for Pavlov and his dogs and it will work well for you too. Celebrate the behavior that you want to see more of — working out, a new form of touch that you enjoy, more frequent sex… whatever it is.
And does every new things that you want to try have to be discussed in advance? Can’t you just spring a new move on him? A lot of sex conversations are embarrassing and he might be saying no because he is uncomfortable with the discussion and just wants it to end. Spring some new but small moves on him and weigh his reaction.
We are in the last half of January so many of us have already let go of many if not all of our resolutions. How about you think about the kind of sex you would like to enjoy in 2016 over the next week or so. Just come up with some words, write a list and let it marinate for a few days. Do you want more adventure? Affection? Frequency? Partners? Positions? Openness? Energy? Ease? Generosity? Love? Whatever it is, just write it down and put your list away for about three or four days. Come back to it, re-read it then pick the three words that stand out the most. These three words can be your guide as you create your sex life in 2016. Love, adventure and generosity anyone? Think about it, this might be your best sex year yet.