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February 16, 2019

Man seeks obedience

“I am in a relationship with two girls, both Muslim. I love the first one so much but she is not doing what I want. I am not so much in love with the second one but she does what I want. What should I do?”


 By Valentine Njoroge

Hmmm, well if you want obedience, I suggest you get a dog and train it well. As for which girlfriend you should choose, why don’t you purpose to create a relationship with a woman who you have a deep affection for?

Your short email tells me that you are in the middle of learning an important life lesson – other people are not here to obey you and do what you want. Believe it or not, these two women have vivid and complex lives that will continue to be vivid and complex whether or not you are in their lives.

My opinion might sound harsh but if you are going into relationships expecting that the other person will do what you want, obey you and serve your whims and desires, then you are setting yourself and that person up for failure and misery. There is a reason all relationship experts talk about compromise as a vital part of all relationships. Whether we are relating to your parents, friends or neighbours, we all give a little to accommodate other people and keep them in our lives.

That said, there are people who are particularly controlling and what they really want is a submissive spouse. If you are one of these people, then it is great that you are learning this about yourself while you are still dating so that eventually when you do pick a partner, you will pick one who submits willingly to avoid constant conflict. I will not tell you which woman to choose, rather I will encourage you to continue to study yourself and figure out what makes you happy in a relationship so that eventually you will pick the right person. That person might not be either of these women.

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