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January 23, 2019

Talk can keep love alive


Do you wish your partner would open up more and share what’s on their mind? A new study explains why some people find it so hard to talk about their relationship.

When there’s something weighing heavy on your mind, do you find it easy to sit down and chat about it with your partner? Relationships can be tough some times, and it’s important to talk about your worries. That’s not always easy. And if you feel bad about yourself, it’s even harder.

Canadian researcher Megan McCarthy is a specialist in low self-esteem, and the way it affects people’s romantic relationships. Her study shows how communication between romantic partners can help improve the love lives of people around the world, she says. 


People with a negative view of themselves can be plagued by doubts and anxieties in a relationship, McCarthy’s research shows. As you can imagine, if you feel like you’re boring or ugly or stupid, then you're more likely to worry that deep down your partner thinks so too.

When you feel insecure about yourself, then if you’re fed up with something in your relationship, you tend to keep quiet and put up with it. Say you think your partner should do a fairer share of the housework, or maybe you just wish you could spend more time together – instead of speaking up, you keep it to yourself. After all, if you cause trouble, your partner might just up and leave you.

The upshot is that in the end, major issues don’t get discussed, and you do nothing to improve your relationship. And you might stay in a miserable relationship when really you should end it and move on.

Afraid of being hurt

"We may think that staying quiet, in a 'forgive and forget' kind of way, is constructive, and certainly it can be when we feel minor annoyances," McCarthy says. "But when we have serious issues in a relationship, failing to address them directly can actually be destructive."

"If your significant other is not engaging in open and honest conversation about the relationship it may not be that they don't care, but rather that they feel insecure and are afraid of being hurt."

McCarthy’s message to the world – lovers, keep talking. Ask your partner what’s on his or her mind. Talk can only make things better.
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