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February 20, 2019

Valentine on call: Not Ready For Sex

“I have not had sex yet and I am so scared. My boyfriend seems to want to force me into it. He tries to enter into it every time we kiss…”


Well, can I just say that I don’t like your boyfriend? You are very clear that you are scared to have sex. He is not honouring your feelings or even hearing them fully. Assuming that you really like this guy and want to be with him, then I suggest you sit him down and make sure that he understands your feelings. But first figure out exactly what you want him to know before you sit him down. Are you afraid of sex itself? Or perhaps is it more about the possible consequences such as pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases?

You are right to be hesitant and afraid. A poorly executed sex life can have dire lifelong consequences. Taking the time to talk about protection and contraception is the mature thing to do, as is talking about fidelity and your expectations from the relationship. These conversations will let you know if this is a relationship in which you feel safe enough to introduce sex and whether or not you trust your partner to take care of you sexually and not expose you to diseases and so on.

On the other hand, the point of dating is to meet many people and then find someone who understands us, cares for us and goes out of his way to make our lives not only easier but shinier and more delicious. You already feel unheard and that your feelings are being disregarded by this man – before even sharing more intimate aspects of yourself. Having sex will only make you feel more vulnerable.

You could always break up with him and find someone else – someone for whom your feelings will be valid points of concern and not easily dismissed hindrances on his path to orgasm…

Poll of the day