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December 15, 2018

Girls, don't lie or have sex on your first date

Samantha lies in Eric’s arms looking out into the darkness, afraid to fall asleep. She has dissected her strange twisted dream over and over again. In the end, she is relieved it wasn’t real. Not necessarily because of the nature of the lovemaking but because it’s a bad idea to sleep with someone on a first date. No matter what they tell you girls, guys like to work hard for you. They like to have something to look forward to. Once the deed is done, you can’t take it back so you must be pretty certain that getting you between the sheets is not all he wants before you cave in. But the number one reason for not giving it up on the first date is simply that you don’t know the other person well enough.

There are people you meet and like but as time goes by you find to be self-absorbed, selfish, neurotic and all sorts of qualities that can jar the average person when exposed to them long enough. On a first date, you won’t see any of this. You are both on your best behaviour. Do you know that 60 per cent of people can’t go by 10 minutes without telling a lie? Ninety per cent of children grasp the concept of lying by age four, and it just gets worse from there. “No mommy, I swear I did not break that!” They say with fingers crossed behind their back to ward off whatever evil comes from swearing to a lie.

You grow into an adult and lie with a straight face. Well, God knows you’ve had enough practice! You lie, lie, lie to everyone. And most of these lies are told to people you have just met. If a cop pulls you over, you will tell him at least 10 lies in quick succession. If you are late for work or did not deliver a project in time, you have 30 lies because one will always grow into another. And dating? Well, that is just a mess! Let me paint a picture: You went to get your hair done for your first date and it took longer than expected. Now you’re getting your nails done, it will take at least an hour. You are meeting Mr Man at 7pm; it’s now 20 minutes to 7pm. So you text him and say, “Running late, still in the office.” First lie. As your nails dry you send another text: “Mad traffic.” Second lie.

When you reach the restaurant he compliments you on the dress you have on. “This old thing?” You ask smiling. Third lie. After he asked you out, you took an instant loan from your Sacco to purchase it. Lies are tied up to self-esteem – when it’s threatened, we begin to lie at higher levels. How easy would it have been to say: “I got this dress just for you...” with a wink and a coy smile? But no, in the animal kingdom, only humans are wired to deceive themselves and others.

The lies continue through out dinner. Pretending you come to this restaurant all the time. Pretending to have a good knowledge of wine. Pretending you are enjoying the dish that you are having. Pretending to laugh at his jokes. You want to be agreeable. You want to avoid insulting him through disagreement or discord so the lies continue right through desert. Remember, he is lying too. Men tell twice the number of lies women tell. They lie to make themselves look better. “I’m not married.” Women lie to make themselves and the other person feel better. “I have only ever slept with three men.”

The point is, when you sleep with someone on a first date, you don’t have time to sieve through all the deception and bulls**t. When you give it time, you realise they have never really been to the Tamarind Dhow, but ALMOST went there once. You realise they are overstretched financially and may need a helping hand now and again. You realise their job titles have undergone some sort of jargon makeover to boost appeal.

Beverage Decimation Officer: Bar Man.

Domestic Technician: House Maid.

Petroleum Transfer Engineer: Petrol Station Attendant.

Vehicle Restoration Engineer: Panel Beater.

Field Nourishment Consultant: Waitress.

Customer Experience Enhancement Consultant: Shop Assistant.

Collection Operative: Tea/Coffee picker.

Mortar Logistics Engineer: Labourer.  

Front Line Customer Support Facilitator: Call Centre Worker.

Gastronomical Hygiene Technician: Dish Washer.

These veiled deceptions will not become apparent until much later. So Samantha really has no idea what kind of guy Eric is. Pilot. Good looking. Good with kids. Funny. Charming. Period. What is underneath the surface?

She vows to find out before she sleeps with him. He is a keeper this one and she doesn’t want to blow it. Satisfied, she falls asleep with a smile on her face and dreams about… Wait, you don’t think I’ll tell you right now, do you? Next week my dear, next week. No lie. 

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