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December 09, 2018

I have a bottom fetish. please Help!

Dear Valentine,

Please assist me. I require your advice. I am pursuing my Master’s degree in business administration at Nairobi University. Despite my achievements in life, I am totally confused. For a long time, I have been obsessed with having anal sex with girls such that I’m willing to do anything including giving out money to whoever is willing to practise unprotected anal sex (only women) with me. Some girls whom I have been with have given in and I have enjoyed anal more than vaginal sex. When I normally see the bottom of a lady, I feel so hot. Is this really normal? And is it good to do that? I will highly appreciate your help.

K. Oyola


Well then, Oyola of the high achievements and rear-end ambitions, let us unpack your problem:

From the language of your email, you think of yourself and what you have achieved rather highly.

You love or are obsessed with anal sex so much you will even pay for it.

You wonder if your desires are normal and your actions ‘good’.

When I first read your email, I thought you just wanted me to confirm that what your desire is fine and that what you do with consenting adults is perfectly ok. Then I read it again, and caught that you think of anal sex as taboo or naughty, like a man of your achievements should be above it.

You have also made it a point to emphasize that you only desire this from women which makes me think you might consider it a homosexual desire.

Human beings have been having anal sex for years. I cannot name the frequency and prevalence of it in Kenya but I would imagine that with the ease of access to pornography, anal sex, like all other non-conventional sex acts, has grown more widespread. You think of your desire for it and your obsession with bottoms as forbidden in some way and this titillates you even more.

You also sound grateful to the girls who have ‘given you their bottoms’. I fear that if I tell you that your desire is not only normal but rather common, it will pour water on your fire and take something that you really enjoy away from you. So I won’t do that.

Instead, I will encourage you to pursue and enjoy what you like, after all these women are ‘giving you their bottoms’ of their own free will. I will also point out that short of a blood transfusion, unprotected anal sex is the most effective way to transmit the HIV virus so please, please use condoms and a lot of lubrication.

Your sex life is yours to create and enjoy safely with the people who choose to have sex with you. I do not think of what consenting adults do with or to each other as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, because frankly it is none of my business. Oyola, just stay safe, continue enjoying yourself and do make sure that your partners enjoy themselves as much as you do.

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