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September 25, 2018

No feelings for husband

Sad black woman
Sad black woman

 “I am married but have no feelings for my husband. What can I do?”

Oh wow! I am so sorry. I imagine you feel very lonely in this. I wish you had said a little more about what might have precipitated this. Or did your apathy just come out of nowhere? To go from the heady and intoxicating feeling of being ‘in love’ to feeling nothing can be disorienting to say the least.

You are, however, married so you did choose to spend your life with this man. You do not sound like you want to leave him, so how about you try remembering why you fell in love with him in the first place? Was it his good looks that attracted you to him? Was it his wicked sense of humour that kept your ribs cracking? Is he a great listener? Perhaps he is supportive and encouraging of you? A man who believes in us – and our dreams – can be very attractive.

The actor Will Smith recently confessed that his marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith has died several times. Just like you, he admitted that the love is not always there, and there have been times when it wasn’t easy to remain married. I love this level of candour because it gives us a real glimpse into what marriage is like. What you are going through is impermanent just like everything else in life, and it, too, shall pass. It is a season, and marriage like all relationships is full of them.

Unless you or your children are unsafe, find a way to maintain friendship with your partner and the love will come back. Perhaps not the heady and drunk “in love” feeling, but a deep affection for your partner that comes from building a life together and going through all manner of things. Take heart dear, and don’t give up.

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