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December 16, 2018

My wife is a party animal

Hi Valentine,

My wife likes going out with her cousins and getting drunk and then she doesn’t come home for about three days. I did not grow up with women who go out. I think they are amoral but she keeps telling me that Nairobi girls do this and it is ok. What can I do? I want to ask her mother to speak to her. She is setting a bad example for our two children.



Well Maxwell, it seems you and your wife have a classic disagreement on values. She is right about Nairobi girls going out, but she is pulling your leg about not coming home for three days. Three days is half a week and frankly too long.

When I first read your email, I pegged you as a controlling husband who wants his wife and her social life to revolve around him and her home. Then I re-read it and caught the part about her going missing for three days. It is one thing to have a social life, go out with friends, drink some wine and sheki-legi as we call it. It is another thing to disappear for that long. That is cause for worry anywhere in the world, however emancipated an individual is.

I like the idea that you should speak to her mother and have her speak to her daughter. Your wife might be getting away with pulling the ‘I am a Nairobi girl’ card with you because I assume you are from up-country. But it is not ok and even we Nairobi girls know not to leave our homes and children for that long without prior planning and notice to the relevant people. Besides where does she stay for those three days? If you pulled the same move I am sure she would have a lot to say so let her parents know and I wish you all the best.




When is the best time to conceive a girl? I have three boys and I want a girl.



Well Maryanne, congratulations on your three boys and you are actually in luck because girls are easier to conceive and carry to term than boys. This is why there are more of us in the world.

That aside, you will conceive around the time when you are ovulating, which is when an egg is released from one ovary and into the fallopian tube. Sperm either create a boy or a girl and those that result in boys swim faster but die quicker than those that create girls. Therefore, you want to have sex three or four days before you ovulate so that by the time your egg is released, it meets girl sperm and not boy sperm.

Your ovulation date is roughly 12 days before your next period. This is, of course, not an exact science and you should talk to your doctor about it and not take my word for it. You might also want to download an app that tracks your period as this will help estimate your ovulation date more accurately.

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