“Sometimes when my fiancé asks me how many times I came, I just can’t count. Please help me! How do I notice that ‘I am now coming’?”
Men are stereotypically competitive and they like to keep score. I have an image of your fiancé patting himself on the back and saying: “Three orgasms for her! Not too shabby!” – and feeling all pleased with himself. It’s great that he wants to make sure you are satisfied, but it can be distracting to try and keep count. I would say stop trying to count your orgasms and just enjoy them. But actually, I think what you are really asking is, “Am I having orgasms?”
We always hear about how intense orgasms are – about how mind blowing and life altering they can be. And when ours are merely mild tremors, we can sometimes doubt we are even having them. Like earthquakes, not all orgasms are created equal – they all have different readings on the Richter scale.
There are some telltale signs for arousal however, and they include an increased heart rate and faster breathing. Your fiancé will notice that your breasts will enlarge slightly and your nipples will erect. Your face, neck and chest might also look flushed. Your vagina will lengthen and widen in preparation for the penis. Your clitoris will enlarge and the labia will open up. The whole pelvic area gets warm and more sensitive to touch.
As you get more and more aroused, these changes become more pronounced but right before orgasm, the clitoris actually retracts and gets shorter. During orgasm, muscles all over your body will contract and your blood pressure, heart rate and breathing all continue to rise. Finally, your vagina will contract several times, about once per second. Short orgasms last between three and five seconds (or contractions). While longer more intense orgasms involve 10 to 15 contractions (or seconds).
The reason I suggest that you stop counting is that you might have two orgasms hit you back to back. If you’re busy counting, you will miss it or distract yourself and water the whole pleasurable experience down. Instead, let your partner know that you are happy with your sex life and that you would rather enjoy your orgasms than count them.