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November 19, 2018

Go on, brag about your marriage

Go on, brag about your marriage
Go on, brag about your marriage

What a weekend. The Supreme Court of the United States legalised same-sex marriage across the entire country. And right here in Naivasha, a 29-year-old businesswoman gave her husband a Sh10 million car for his 30th birthday. Social media has been buzzing with opinion on these two events. And if my liberal newsfeed is anything to go by, the American decision seems far away, and that Kenyan woman will soon be turning down some very earnest wedding proposals, from women.

This lady wrote a piece – Where I got my millions – and you can Google it. In it she shares her journey, her losses, her health issues, her love for God and of course, her man. I think it is fantastic that she has a great man and wants to celebrate him loudly. It is about time that people who are happy with their spouses and unions started talking.

The truth is that marriage is an idealised goal for many of us. Many believe their lives begin when they finally set up house and home with a partner and start raising children. For many it is not only the companionship, but also having someone with a vested interest to go through life with – all the celebrations, the mediocrity and of course the heartache that life doles out.

What we hear constantly across airwaves in Nairobi is how Kenyan men are failing their women, how our women have become scandalous and money-hungry, and generally that marriage does not work. I hope this woman’s gift and more importantly her story, starts to change that narrative.

Perhaps it is because I grew up in a marriage that has lasted almost 40 years. Perhaps it is because I am a romantic at heart. Perhaps I am just hanging on to my naiveté well into my fourth decade on the planet. I don’t know. This is one area where I simply choose to accept my perspective without too much analysis. I believe marriage works. I believe it is hard work and creating a happy home takes a special kind of commitment where you are constantly choosing between which parts of yourself to put aside, and which aspects of yourself you should let shine. Sure just like life, marriages have seasons of joy and others that are less than joyous but ultimately I believe it is worth it.

I would love to read more and hear more from all you happy lovebirds who are keeping the secrets of your happy homes to yourselves. We would all benefit as a society if you bragged just a little bit about what your spouse does right. I will leave you with an excerpt from the US Supreme Court judgment:

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death."

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