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December 17, 2018

Valentine, on call: My girl prefers texting me

My girl prefers texting me
My girl prefers texting me

"I am in a long-distance relationship. But my girlfriend doesn’t want me to visit her or for her to visit me. But she claims to love me and we spend a lot of time talking through Facebook and texting. What is the way forward in this relationship?”

It sounds like you have a great modern day pen-pal. When I was my child, it used to be handwritten letters that you sent through snail-mail. But now the Internet and smartphones have changed all that. However, while the mode of communication might have evolved, the parameters of the pen-pal friendship have remained the same – lots of affection and attention through words but no physical contact.

It would be great to ask your partner what she wants out of this relationship. But before you do that, I suggest you get very real with what you want. Even from your short email, I can tell you would want to see this woman frequently. I think you would like some physical attention, and for you to play a bigger role in her life.

There is nothing unusual about this. In fact it is rather predictable that when we like people, we want to spend time with them. And when we are sexually attracted to these people, this desire is magnified. It sounds like your needs are not being met, and the relationship is unfulfilling in some very key ways. Tell your partner this and ask her what she thinks. Find out what keeps her from spending time with you. Is she unable or unwilling to see you? Does she see this relationship going anywhere or has it arrived to the point she wants it?

There is a reason we date for a while before we settle down, and it’s because it takes a while to find someone you like, who likes you and then wants the same things that you do. If this does not work out, take time to heal and evaluate your lessons. Not every relationship leads to marriage obviously, but they all prepare us for that major commitment that many of us say we want.

 

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