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September 26, 2018

Valentine On Call: Who Should I Marry?

Valentine On Call: Who Should I Marry?
Valentine On Call: Who Should I Marry?

“I am 34 and single. I love two ladies. One is my age, works, has a lot of cash, never cooks or cleans my house, and rarely visits – she claims to be too busy. The other is 10 years younger, unemployed and does everything for me – washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning and so on. Which one should I marry?”

 

Hahahaha!!! I think you may have asked the wrong person this question. Are you looking for a wife or a maid?

Jokes aside though. Have you heard of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary D Chapman? He writes that each of us has a language that screams "love" to us. The languages are: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and gifts or acts of service. We all understand the other languages but we have one or perhaps two that really resonate with us. It sounds like yours is acts of service. You love these women and you could, by your own admission, spend your life with either of them. However, one apparently speaks your language of love fluently while the other apparently still needs to be taught.

The younger woman makes you feel wanted and cared for while the other is ‘too busy’ to see you. More than just the language of love, it doesn’t sound like the older lady is very interested in you and your life.

I cannot possibly tell you whom to marry. That’s a very personal choice. We also cannot foresee the future and the decision to marry is inherently and flagrantly hopeful and optimistic. We commit to build a life with another person believing that we will navigate the future together. While dating, we look for markers that indicate where our partner is most likely to fall when it comes to big decisions surrounding money, child rearing, religion, fidelity and so on.

Perhaps instead of looking at chores, you should be asking deeper questions about the women you date. Such as: What are their values? How would they like to raise their children? Are they honest law-abiding citizens?

Washing plates is easy. Creating a home filled with kindness and acceptance is a lot more challenging.

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