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November 18, 2018

Valentine, on-call: You are saving it for marriage while having sex with ex?

You are saving it for marriage while having sex with ex?
You are saving it for marriage while having sex with ex?

I am dating a guy who has promised to marry me before we have any sex. But I am still enjoying sex with my ex. I am confused...

Hmm… At first glance your problem seems complex but after some thought, it is clear that you and your current boyfriend have very different views on premarital sex. He places a high value on waiting for marriage and is committed to doing so, while you are perfectly okay with fornicating. In fact you are cheating on him with a man you broke up with. Not only do you have different values when it comes to marital sex, I think you have different values when it comes to fidelity and cheating. You are okay with constantly lying to this man.

I will confess that I have a personal bias against cheaters. This man has opened up to you and let you know who he is and what he values. You imply that he is thinking about marrying you and spending his life with you. Meanwhile, you have pretended to be faithful and you are playing with his heart and his feelings. Perhaps he seems like a good idea on paper? The guy who values fidelity and will wait until marriage for sex? Plus, you don’t even mention whether you actually love him.

If your boyfriend was my brother, I would pray to God that you leave him alone and that your relationship comes to an end. I do not know if your ex knows that he is your side-dish, but I think if he found out he would decide against being with you exclusively.

Why don’t you take some time away from these guys to figure out what you want – and to figure out how you want to treat others? Being reckless with others’ hearts and hurting them takes a toll on us. We are all capable of treating others well, and I would ask that you consider doing that in your love life. Stop cheating on your boyfriend and treat him well, or leave him alone and choose the guy who understands your desire for sex.

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