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January 17, 2019

It's perfect for us but he cheats

It's perfect for us but he cheats
It's perfect for us but he cheats

My partner has a string of girlfriends – and two kids with two different women. Yet he respects me, cares for me and spends time with me. He has promised to end these relationships. How do I stop feeling jealous, is it possible?

Ouch! What a painful situation. On the one hand you are happy in the relationship and your needs are being met, but on the other you are being hurt deeply, and it doesn’t seem like there is an end in sight.

I cannot tell you to leave your partner, but from what you have said, it seems like things will remain the same. There are no consequences to his actions. Yes, he hurts you and you cry but that’s it. His life goes on, and he gets to sleep with multiple women and have unprotected sex while he is at it.

Jealousy is part of the landscape of love; human beings are possessive of the people we love. I, however, suspect that what you are feeling is a blend of jealousy, insecurity and a determination to win. Something interesting happens to people when we are cheated on – we decide to win our partners. Nothing makes you more desirable than being washed in the desire of another man; and your man has been washed in the desire of several women. You suspect that even if you left, he would replace you quickly and be happy without you. This eats at your self- esteem and makes you jealous and competitive.

Ask yourself what exactly you are competing for. Is the prize worth it? If you decide that he is worth it, then set a deadline by which he should have cut off all ties with these women. Empty threats do not work, so you must have a plan for either scenario. You might end up single or you might finally get him to man up.

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