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November 21, 2018

I was circumcised when young, sex is now a nightmare

Last week I told you about a reader who requested that I address women who have been through female genital mutilation (FGM) and how they too can enjoy sex and achieve orgasms.  Almost 30 per cent of Kenyan women have endured ‘the cut’ and the general perception is that they cannot have orgasms and this makes them faithful to their husbands.  So I asked you, my reader, to share your experience: Is this true?  How does FGM impact your life, and specifically your sex life, if you have been cut? 

Mary was kind enough to write and here is an excerpt of her email:

“…many women shy away from this kind of topic mostly those who have been circumcised … I have first-hand experience of shame during sex during my first encounters but that did not hinder my orgasm as I got comfortable with my partner...”

Caroline has had a more challenging time and she says:

“I was circumcised  when I was a toddler by the same doctor that circumcised my brothers and at the same time . I have no clitoral hood and only a V shaped scar and the tiniest bit of inner labia they were kind enough to leave it behind. I always knew something was different because I could look at my niece she had normal looking vagina. Mine always looked wrong to me.

I have a boyfriend but I told him before we started  dating, because I knew he will know that there is something missing  down there, and also I knew he had other girlfriends and their vaginas were normal so I had to tell him so that he can decide to be with or not and he had no problem. I hardly enjoy sex, I feel so disturbed and I will never accept myself the way I am. It hurts me so much when I always think what happened to me.  So many questions linger in my mind which leave me feeling unattractive and just plain wrong down there.

Also, are girls who have undergone FGM prone to infections down there?”

Mary and Caroline, thanks for your generous emails.  Caroline, FGM makes first time sex and childbirth an excruciating process for most women because the man or the baby have to tear through scar tissue to gain either entry or exit respectively.  An open wound is susceptible to all manner of infection. If you are not fully lubricated, the friction from sex can result in small cuts in your vagina, or it may open your old scar making you prone to infection. Please be careful and use condoms but also make sure you get a water-based lubricant.




Are you a man who has been with a woman who was cut?  What was that experience like for you?  Were you her first? What did you find increased her sexual pleasure?  Would you marry a woman who has been cut?

I am looking forward to reading your story [email protected]

Poll of the day