So, I recently bumped into my Kryptonite. Ladies, you know the guy. I don’t know if it is lucky or unlucky to have one but he is the guy who has you acting stupid. The sight of him frazzles your brains and you just want to sniff him or worse lick him, in public, regardless of the fact that you are at one of his family functions.
So, as you know I have made a career of assessing the goings on between men and women. I am pretty adept at this dating and relating thing but like most of you, I have an Achilles heel. I can’t tell you his name but suffice to say he has me acting the fool with ease.
We met about 10 years ago… and back then my game was on point. I wasn’t frazzled. In fact, I was so together I refused to give him my number and told him to find it. By the time I got home that night I had a message from him. I should have walked away then. But oh no, that would have been sensible and wise. Instead, I entertained his attention. I listened to him when he suggested I start writing this column because he liked my turn of phrase. Before I knew it, I was spun around and in love.
Now 10 years later, I know exactly what it is about him. You see, I am not interested in spending my life amassing property, wealth and money. Don’t get me wrong – I like the finer things like most women, I just don’t think spending my God given time here on earth pursuing wealth is a good use of life. Instead, I want my life to be significant. I want to change people’s lives – specifically I want African women to have the opportunity to live lives of their own creation, and I am spending my life working towards that goal. This guy… well, he is the same. Not committed to women per se but he too wants his page (or four) in history.
When you meet someone who not only gets you but is the same as you in such a fundamental way, it doesn’t matter what he looks like. Typically you will connect. Then, now, this guy is hot… and funny… and naughty in all the right ways… I have really stepped in the brown stuff. What got me is that it has been years of polite hellos and nothing else. Then, recently, I let down my guard thinking I was okay and strong. Where? My wits didn’t even wave goodbye and I was left two doubles into my night facing a full charm offensive. He reminded me that we are great together and mentioned kids. Now each Whatsapp alert has me jittery and jumpy.
I have something like a brain cold with this man’s name (and smell) all over it. Okay, it’s more than just my brain, my nether regions have the cold too. It’s been a week and I fear I will be out of it for days to come… walking around googly eyed and smiling at all and sundry. If you meet me over the next few weeks and walk away thinking: “Isn’t she supposed to be smart?” Please forgive me, it is the Kryptonite. I will recover soon but for now, I’m dazed and confused. Woi Jesu! Now he’ll read this and call me…