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September 22, 2018

Great sex please

Valentine,

I just got married and I want my wife and I to have the best sex. What are some of the things that I must do?

 Alphonce

 First of all, congratulations Alphonce! Just reading your question will warm the hearts of many. You are committed to fantastic sex with your wife and willing to ask questions. Did your parents make more of you? Are there cousins and brothers who share this standard? I am a little in love with you.

Just last night I was talking with a friend about how sexual desire wanes and peaks with changes in our experience of ourselves. When we are succeeding, our libido is high and when we gain weight or have babies, it dips. Into every sex life, some low desire will fall.

I think the ingredients for a great sex life, in the changing landscape we will call a lifetime together are:

Communication – yes the act of sex is in itself a form of communication, but there are things you will have to say out loud. What do you like? What does your partner want? The key here is to listen to your wife without judgement. You will not agree with everything that she wants to try, nor do you have to, but as her sexual partner for life you at least owe her a listening ear.

Selflessness – think about her needs and her pleasure first and you will find that she does the same. Sharing your body with another person means that they now have a say on things like grooming and personal hygiene… be accommodating.

Playfulness – it is so easy to shame and humiliate another person during sex but if you can create a playful space that allows for laughter and spontaneity you will experience great joy in your sex life. Kiss your wife passionately and randomly. Smack her butt whens she is least expecting it. Participate by turning towards her when she plays with you and joining in the fun.

Cherish her – tell her that she is beautiful, demonstrate your desire for her, let her know that you love her and that she turns you on. Many believe that women are in pursuit of money, power and a great sense of security but really, what we want more than anything is to be cherished and adored.

Fidelity – I don’t think I have to tell you this but most women confirm that fidelity and commitment are great aphrodisiacs. In a setting where we are cherished and our partner is passionate about us and our union, we come alive and feel safe to show who we really are sexually. We feel safe to wear lingerie, dance and sing for our men and cook them their favourite meals.

Thanks you so much for your question Alphonce. Your feeling confirm my long held suspicion that there are great men out there who want nothing more than to be part of fun and fulfilling marriages. Best of luck and again, congratulations!

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