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January 17, 2019

What is the female orgasm?

Hi Valentine,

I am 22 and I have been having sex for about six months now but imagine I don’t know what an orgasm is?  Is it possible I have had one and I don’t know?  I can’t ask anyone; it is too embarrassing.  What are the signs that I have had an orgasm?



Hi Valentine. My name is Isaac.
I tried oral sex with my girlfriend and it’s nice. But how do I know she had an orgasm if she does not squirt and just how many orgasms can a girl have?



I will answer your questions together because they are related.

Njoki, before I get into all that, congrats on the late start. Please make sure you protect yourself. Your sex life can be wonderful but if mismanaged it can turn into a nightmare. Use condoms and get regular sexually transmitted infections (STIs) testing.  Some STIs have no symptoms and they just sit in our bodies scarring our reproductive organs and making it harder or even impossible to conceive when we want children later. Isaac, you too should be getting regular STI tests for the same reasons.

And now to the fun stuff, Isaac, are you ready to be really really jealous?  Women can have a countless number of orgasms. In fact if stimulated right and we let ourselves go, we can have so many orgasms in quick succession that we cannot count them and this phenomenon is simply called ‘multiple orgasms’. Njoki, I think God chose to compensate us for monthly periods and childbirth.

But back to orgasms: Isaac, the best way to know if your partner had an orgasm is to ask her. Just like the women who have them, orgasms look different from woman to woman. Some of us scream, others are silent, some moan... Some get there very quickly and others take an hour or more. There are also types of orgasms. Most women report that the clitoral orgasm is easiest to achieve as you just need to stimulate the clitoris as you were during oral sex to get a short and intense orgasm that might look like a man’s orgasm. Vaginal orgasms are a little trickier but women report that they feel waves of intense pleasure that can last a few seconds or even five minutes. Njoki if you feel like you need to pee during sex, don’t stop, just go with the feeling because for many women that is the beginning of orgasm.

Isaac, the squirting you are talking about does not happen with every woman and even when it does, not with each orgasm. Intense vaginal and clitoral stimulation can lead some women to forcefully expel a liquid that is thinner than regular vaginal lubrication and it comes from the skenes glands just next to the urethra (where urine comes out of).  Some Burundian and Rwandese women are taught to squirt when they are young girls, but for most of the female population it seems to occur randomly.

Njoki, if you are still having a hard time figuring your orgasms out, try masturbating. Without a partner present you will really be able to relax into your pleasure and let it flow. I guarantee you will know when you have an orgasm. 

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