So I see we have set the foundation and the ball in play to be a trending hashtag. We think we are so ballsy, spreading hate on-line, calling each-other names, calling for war – ha! What a joke and it’s on you.
Allow me to give you an illustration of how this will play out over a month should your “war cry” come true. First, a hashtag will emerge from Sudan, Rwanda, DRC, South-Africa, Nigeria and gasp, even Somali. It will say #SomeonetellKenya. These African voices will be joined by those in Iran, Iraq, Bosnia, Pakistan and even Afghanistan. Lakini Mkenya ni na? We shall ignore the voices of reason until we get to “critical” mass.
Infact in the 4 days with take for the hashtag to take over, Anderson Cooper will begin the flight to Kenya knowing very well, like timber, it’s going down.
The hashtag will then change to #GodhelpthesestupidKenyans. The world will be told of the geniuses of the madness, the slurs from reckless politicians and the ignition of the fire by social media. The FBI will unveil some of the faces of the trolls who hide behind fake names and multiple accounts to spread hate and the world will be astounded. Not just by their youth but also their ability to create anarchy without proper spellings or grammer.
As this is happening, the fuse will already have been ignited and there will be no turning back. As Peter Gaitho said in his article in The Sunday Nation – the entire international press will be here to cover the climax of our political feast of hate. The Huffington Post and Daily Beast will run pictorials of children crying because they can’t find their mothers, clothes dirty and torn, noses running, flies buzzing. Time Magazine and Newsweek will run an exclusive on the incidences of rape and violence faced by our women at the hands of our men. The Washington Post and the New York Times will do an analysis of the timeline to implosion and how it all began with a #hashtag and question whether Africans of a certain caliber should have access to technology leave alone social media.
Oh wait, by then the Somalis will have started a hashtag #GodhelpKenya.
Marshable will put together a collection of the best of the tweets on people around the world praying for Kenya. That will be the “final” piece on our degeneration into another sad African story.
You see, by the time Marshabale does their story, the international news crews would have left for Uganda because your begging and howling from your juala tent is actually annoying. Afterall, you started this thing yourselves. This wasn’t a catastrophy we didn’t see coming. This isn’t flooding or a Tsunami or an unexpected eruption from a domant volcano. You wanted war you got it – ni nini sasa.
And so it comes to pass that one day, as you give up waiting for the Redcross truck to bring food, that you accept that you must sell your mobilephone for a meal. On that day, you look at your twitter handle and hate yourself. You wish you could send out a twit that would take things back to the way they used to be, when you kicked back in your be,d in your small room and in that peace and comfort, when you twitted rubbish while watching the Worldcup. How you miss those days.
But no-one will care and no-one will want to know. Even Anderson Cooper will have gone. He will be in Uganda at the Serena where Museveni will be getting mutu wetu to sign a peace agreement that gives the politicians a place at the table. You may for one insane moment hope that the peace agreement will mean that Mutu wetu will come for you and give you a job and maybe a temporary room in his massive house (afterall, you were fighting for him), but he doesn’t come and he won’t come.
You will want to scream and cry and criticize mutu wetu for having forgotten the sacrifice you made for him, but no-one wants to hear you. Media will be covering the new offices, perks and cars mutu wetu will be acquiring and ignoring you because afterall, John-Allan Namu, Macharia Gaitho, Lyndah Ogutu, Julie Gichuru, Larry Madowo, Anto Neo-Soul, Caroline Mutoko, heck even Jaguar told you, not to do this. But you trolled them – called them names and went on with your stupid war cry.
On the day you get shot stealing a samosa because you are hungry, the hashtag on #TheTrend will feature you as comic relief for no more than 30seconds - #stupidcriminals. No-one wants to know why you are stealing samosas and no-one cares.
The Internet is vast and perpetrators of online hate crimes hide behind anonymous screen names, electronically garbled addresses, and websites that can be relocated and abandoned overnight. Why am I giving you this small fact- because I also need you to know that the orchestrators of the hate are cowards. people will no conviction and worse still can never ever make anything meaningful happen.
How, why do they exist? Simple - politician needs a mouth piece, a fool who can say nasty things he couldn't say in public - heck it could be used against you in future - so he seeks out some simple minded lazy lout and gets him to do the dirty. It allows him to preach peace later without contradicting himself.
Trolls on social media are the new 'poor of Kibera". Remember when it was easy for any politician to rally crowds out of the several slums we have across the city and get them to burn and destroy with glee? Remember those good old days? Well, they are gone. The people in the slums woke up in the aftermath of 2007/8 and found themselves rebuilding their lives with no help from "mutu wetu".
Infact, even before schools could be re-build, churches restores and new tents pitched for the victims of the violence, mutu wetu had already run to parliament, taken oath of office and collected his first salary. The masses as they are called, the poor, the slum dwellers got alittle smart. The new jokers who are ripe to be used abused and discarded are young idle middle-class Kenyans with afew data-bundles to spare.
Their job is to be given just the right amount of bile to post, they do this relish, never mind that whatever they were paid is gone in 2 days, but egged on by their egos and the hunger to see their views in bad spelling and grammer spread, they get giddy with "power" and even start calling for war. Ha!
Enter Peter Gaitho's cold slap to the face.
Before you click ‘Send’ on that bigoted, egotistical hate message on Facebook, Twitter or WhatsApp, think twice – and if you won’t, it will be my pleasure to watch you trend.