Valentine, my girl says she wants more foreplay. What does that mean? I touch her, we kiss… what else?
Well Arnold, I already love your girlfriend because she spoke up and told you she wants more of something. There are couples who have been having sex for years and they do not discuss it at all. Someone in those couples is hoping that whatever fumbling they do in the dark will keep their partner faithful for life and yet they have never asked if their partner is happy.
Arnold, chill. She is not saying you did anything wrong — in fact she is saying she wants more of what you have been doing so let’s give her that. Most women need about 20 minutes of focused foreplay and yes, it involves kissing and touching. Now as to the type of kissing and touching and what areas you are kissing and touching:
I suggest you ignore all her major erogenous zones for about 10 minutes. Tell yourself that her lips, breasts, inner thighs and of course her vulva are no go zones. Instead touch her feet, calves, her outer thighs and trail some light kisses around her waistline. Kiss her inner arms and her back while you lightly touch her neck. Kiss her whole face but not her lips. After a few minutes of this you can now kiss her neck deeply and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Try gentle nibbles on her neck and of she likes it, bite her at the junction of her neck and her shoulder. Run your fingers through her hair and pull it gently….
Do you see now how your lips and fingers can provide a completely different experience for your woman before you even get to the conventional hot spots? These suggestions are a mere beginning and they are of course not set in stone. I love your question Arnold because it think the answer might have just blown your idea of foreplay wide open.
Safe Lesbian Sex
The other day a friend and I were discussing The L Word, an American TV show that immersed viewers into the lives of a group of lesbians. The conversation reminded me that while there were numerous sex scenes there was never a conversation about safe lesbian sex or sexually transmitted infections.
Research into specific areas of science is funded by people who think it is important and it has long been an argument in the research world that science and medicine ignore women and our specific ailments so that, for example, there is a lot more research done on testicular and prostate cancer than there is on ovarian or uterine cancer. Lesbian sex is another area that has not been heavily scrutinised or discussed but as more and more women in Nairobi experiment with bisexual sex, it is important to look at.
Most STIs (like HIV and herpes) spread through the exchange of bodily fluids so the plan here is to avoid that. Lesbian sex typically involves fingers, mouths and/or sex toys. Ladies, that plastic film that we use to cover salad bowls and sandwiches is your friend. Place the film over your partner’s vaginal area if you intend to perform oral sex, and use a fresh condom over each penetrative toy that you use. Toys should not go from one partner to the other in the same condom.
There are about 80 strains of the Human Papilloma Virus and about two cause genital warts and another two cause most cervical cancer. This virus spreads through skin to skin contact and most sexually active people have contracted a strain or two. If you are 26 and under, please get the HPV vaccine. You can then rest assured that there is no cervical cancer in your future.