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November 21, 2018

My wife is cheating on me

Hi Valentine,

My wife is cheating on me. I learned this one year ago when I had come to visit them on vacation and she promised to change. We have a two-year-old daughter and she is the only reason I have been holding on to this marriage but I have given up.

I work abroad under a US military contractor and we are not allowed to engage in sex at all so I am holding for ten months to visit my wife who in turn is not interested because she is seeing someone else. I have asked her mum to speak to her and see if she can change but she hasn’t.

I once told her I was leaving her and she started to cry and said that if I leave her she will take my daughter with her to the grave and I will come back to bury them. I love my daughter very much and my wife has promised to changed but I do not trust her. Please advise because I am confused and stressed to the limit?

 Jonathan

 My God Jonathan, talk about living between living between a rock and a hard place. This is awful. You go to work, your woman cheats and keeps on cheating and when you make a decision she threatens suicide and murder. What a prize of a woman.

 The difficult thing here is your daughter and the fact that you work abroad on what sounds like a military base. You cannot leave her in the hands of this mentally unstable woman.

Jonathan you are going to have to do what women have been doing for years, when they are stuck in weird situations with hurtful men… fake it till you make it out.

The plan is to get divorced and get custody of your child so speak to a lawyer so that you know exactly what you need in terms of evidence.

 Then, start looking for a local job right away. Once you get a job here, you can take your daughter away from this woman and start divorce proceedings.

I understand that you are emotionally devastated and that this might seem like a mountain to climb and it is. Please find a trusted friend or relative who can support you through this process, as it may take years to resolve this. You should also tell your mother-in-law that her daughter threatened to kill herself and your daughter.

Threats of suicide and homicide should never be taken lightly. I am so sorry Jonathan, and best of luck; just stay focused on how much you love your little girl and it will all fall into place.

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I have always found what we do to each other in the name of love very interesting - cheating, lying, name calling, manipulation, threats and physical violence. It is abhorrent. We like to think that it is men who mete out these treatments, while only a handful of women who have mental problems do this, but that simply isn’t true. Some of us ladies are horrible and cruel people. Men do not own the sin of cruelty.

 This year, as you make your resolutions, how about resolving to treat the people you love like real VIPs? How about promising to see the best in your partner? It might mean looking away for 10 seconds and then looking again, or even walking out of the room and coming back in again, but try and I think it will change your entire relationship.

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