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November 19, 2018

I think I am losing my libido

Hi Valentine,

I have been married for eight years and blessed with two chilldren. My problem is that my appetite for sex is declining. Before going for the game I'm usually up for it but once the ball starts rolling I feel bored and I don't enjoy my self.

Please help me with some tips on how to curb this illness so that I can enjoy a lasting sex.

 Anthony.

 Happy New Year Anthony, the good news is that you are not suffering from an illness, simply diminished desire. It sounds like you are interested in sex but you are not enjoying it with your partner.

After eight years of marriage and two children, most people would not be surprised by your feelings. I think you are bored with your sex life and it is time to shake things up.

I suggest that you start dating your wife again. After eight years, you may feel like you know everything about her and that she knows you just as well.

This assumption is what leads to boredom. People change, and grow. The things that we wanted at the beginning of 2013 may seem frivolous now at the beginning of 2014.

What are your partner’s dreams for 2014? Does she still enjoy your moves in bed or would she like to try something different? If you are bored, she probably is too and because this is your shared sex life, I suggest you speak to her about it.

 Does she like flowers, which ones? Buy her a bouquet next Tuesday. Curve out an hour each week that you spend with her alone, talking about things that matter to you as individuals, not parents or housemates.

Tell her she is beautiful and start calling her randomly in the middle of the day. It may appear that you have a sexual problem but what presents as a sexual problem is usually a relationship issue and sexual boredom suggests disconnection in your relationship. Make this the year of attention and affection toward your wife and watch your sex life reignite.

 ++++++++++++++++++++++

Anthony’s question is interesting in that he wants to label his dwindling desire an illness… if only, then he could take a pill and it would be sorted.

Long term relationships are harder because the intimacy issues payout in front of a background of life issues like rent, traffic, misbehaving children and bizarre in-laws.

Life does not pause while you fix your sex life. This necessitates a strong commitment to the relationship itself. How about committing to being attentive and affectionate with your partner in 2014?

Hug and kiss a bit more each day, and when you ask your spouse how they are doing, shut up and listen, do not take a deep breath and wait for them to pause so that you can launch into your own stories. Have a fantastic 2014, filled with fun and super-connected sex.

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