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February 21, 2019

My Wife wants to be a pornstar

Hi Valentine,

I've been married for nine months and my wife is really difficult to manage. She is a porn addict and she isn't even afraid or uncomfortable watching porn in front of me. When she comes to bed she wants us to do those styles that she saw on those videos. Now she wants us to do our own porn which she will upload on the net. I don’t want to do that and she threatens to leave me. I don’t want to leave her.

Please help me?  Martin

Talk about bringing in the New Year with a bang.  What???  She wants to put your marriage bed out there for all the world to see.  Perhaps she fantasizes about becoming a pornstar and wants to take you with her?

It really doesn’t matter, this is not a ‘management’ issue - you and this woman clearly have different values.  Most of us get married with the aim of raising a family together.  Is this the woman you want raising your children?  What if your children or their classmates eventually find your little home video?  It seems clear to me that this is a deal breaker for you and I think you have to tell her that. 

You say you do not want to leave her but in order for your relationship to work for either of you; the other will have to go against their core values.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but I think you have both arrived at an irreconcilable difference.  I am so sorry Martin but I think your marriage is over.  Your wife has made it clear that making these porn movies is more important than being married to you.  You on the other hand are not interested in becoming an amateur porn star.

Sorry Martin.  This will hurt but eventually it will pass and you will find someone whose values are more in line with your own.


I am not one to make new years resolutions.  I find the whole idea trite and stressful and frankly most of us have abandoned these ideas by the second week of January.  That said, there is a resolution that I think would be interesting to keep if you are in a relationship.  Promise your partner that you will have sex with them at least once a week for the duration on 2014.  Am I asking you to institute a sex date?  Yes I am.

Sex is more than just orgasms, it is vulnerability, communication, play and so much more.  Committing to spend this kind of time with your partner regardless of unpaid rent, misbehaving children and disrespectful in-laws will change your relationship and keep up in touch with each other, literally.  Try it and please send me your feedback?  [email protected]

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