Why did the chicken cross the road in 2013?
Following in the tradition of this column over the last few years, it is time to ask the world famous question that has plagued many over the last hundred years: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Here are answers to the question as given by some of Kenya’s biggest news makers of 2013.
“Ayayayaya! Has the chicken crossed the road? Have you crossed the road on me chicken?”
Nairobi Women Representative
“Why would you expect me to know why the chicken is crossing? This is typical of you people and is clear as to why more people aren’t dealing with the real issues affecting us. Don’t ask me or other humans; ask the chicken and its friends.”
“Nduguzanguni nawambieni yakwamba hii ni kitu ya kawaida.(My brothers this is a normal thing). This is a personal challenge and the chicken will deal with it alongside any other challenges it may be facing.”
Candidate Uhuru Kenyatta
“The chicken is within its rights to cross the road. Any one that questions its intentions is undermining the chicken’s sovereignty. Also this chicken has the right to cross the road for ten years after which the duck will cross for another ten.”
President Uhuru Kenyatta
“I don’t know why it crossed. But I know that sitasimama maovu ya kuvuka barabara. (I won’t stand for the evils of road crossing.)
“Do I look like the kind of person who would know such things? Do I look like a chicken person? That is so ghetto? Perhaps you could have asked me about turkey or even duck but not those lowly birds. Kwani what do you think I am?”
Participant, Tujuane TV show
#The #chicken #was headed to have some chicken feed. #NatGeo #Chicken #TamuSana
#KOT #KenyanOnTwitter #KFC #Kenchic #NjaaNayo
“Yes. The sky is very bread. We know chicken to hide at wrong zoo in Congo Bra of women. Thank you.”
Thamsanqa Jantjie, sign language interpreter.
“The question about the chicken is here nor there. We know that there were roosters crossing the road and we know that they were avoiding the mattresses that were burning on one side of the road. The chickens were many but we caught both of them.
Joseph Ole Lenku
“The real question is whether this chicken was crossing at the regulated crossing hours? Did it have the right permit to do this? And was it inspected by police officers for any contraband material on any parts of its body?”
“I witnessed! I was just sitting somewhere in my estate Kasala? Kasalani. And there was this chicken looking alound with its fellow chickens. I have been seeing these chickens coming to this side of the road. The chickens were kidnapping grains from our coops. It was crossing the road to escape with the grain from our coop. Ni kama video ni kama ndrama!”
Jose the witnesser
“One day, I will write about this chicken.”
“The little chick inside it said that this was the only way it could get trophies for its hard work.”
Robin Van Persie
Striker, Manchester United.
Venue review: Yates Pub, off Langata Road
The Nairobi local pub has come such a long way. In days gone by, anyone who went to a local would find a dodgy place with lousy seats and get the worst service.
The only thing working for these pubs was that the barman or woman was familiar with the regular and would offer drinks on credit. Also, there was the MDS (Minimum Staggering Distance) advantage. You could just stagger out into the night when you felt that you had already drunk too much.
Last Sunday, I went to my local and had a completely different experience. The place is called Yate’s Pub and is situated in Langata.
This pub is about a kilometre past the Carnivore Restaurant turn off as you head out of town. It is on the right side of the road just before the Southern bypass that is currently under construction.
The entrance of the pub has a canvas roof. As I entering the place, I noticed that the it didn’t have the old school ‘local’ look. It had great decor.
I sat by the counter and ordered a drink which was retailing at Sh150. I don’t consider that price horrible in this day and age. The patrons were clearly locals as most of them were dressed in a very casual yet stylish manner. They were younger than I expected and women were a big part of the crowd.
The patrons’ eyes were fixated on a TV that was showing football which we all know is a big thing in this part of the world. There was also a pool table where some people went to play from time to time.
A brief recap of the venue
Good: Fair price, great service, good décor for a local, sports fans can get their fix.
Bad: Hard to access, fire escape not convincing.
My verdict: It’s one of the better local bars you will find in this town.