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November 20, 2018

My Husband is too fat!

Hi Valentine,

 My husband is fat. It has been a few years and I have tried going on diets with him, talking to him about the health risks but he is just lazy. We have been together for eight years and when we had our last born three years ago I really tried to work out and get back into shape. We had both gained weight. Now I have reduced and he hasn't. Sometimes I think he wants to remain fat to piss me off. I don’t like our sex life and I am about to have an affair.

 Patricia

 Wow that is a lot of information Patricia. I imagine that you look great and are feeling very sexy because of your exercise regime. Working out increases our libido, boosts our confidence levels and helps us to enjoy living in our bodies.

I also imagine that because you love this man, you want to share this working out experience with him, you want him healthy and on the planet with you and your kids for a long time. You miss your sexy man and the sex life that got you those two children. It sucks Patricia.

 I am a romantic, and shockingly traditional when it comes to marriage so I will never encourage an affair, even in the face of your husband’s ever expanding waistline.

Your man is obstinate and I think you feel like you have tried everything but please do not give up. An affair might seem glamorous and fun but it could ruin your marriage and the home you are building for your kids.

 How about, you stop talking about it? Few things are worse than living with a sales pitch. Working out does this… working out does the other… you will feel great… don’t you want to live for long? How about this new diet? Come for a walk with me? Your clothes would fit better if you worked out… whew! I am tired just writing these words.

 Your man already feels bad about himself; you do not have to add to the litany of insults he is throwing at himself. His commitment to being large hints that there is something else going on. Is he unhappy in some other fundamental way?

We take care of what we love and value. Men polish their prized cars; we place our expensive handbags on chairs, not the floor, even kids hang on to the toys they love.

This refusal to take care of his body stems from something deeper. You know him best so how about you stop talking about weight and observe him for a while and really listen to what is going on with him. Perhaps he is unhappy at work? Was he over looked for a promotion?

Maybe he hasn’t figured out how to exercise. You could go bike riding with your kids in Karura Forest? How about swimming? Climbing Longonot one Saturday?

Try and infuse some exercise in your family outings, but do not talk about weight. Let him get shocked at his declining fitness and decide to do something about it. Celebrate what he does right and do not mention what you do not approve of. Reward him with sex … I know it is so politically incorrect but I think it works. Be patient Patricia, it sometimes takes people years to change their bahaviour.

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