Friday night last week found me having way too many drinks with some girlfriends. As the night wore on, we started talking about marriages, married women and how dangerous they are to single chicks.
Now, I have heard this before ... how some married women offer commitment-free sex and how it can be so thrilling and distracting to that commitment-phobic single guy you like. I was kinda half paying attention to this conversation until one of the ladies painted me a picture.
She said, "I don’t need anything from a single guy I decide to screw. He doesn’t have to chat me up or buy me anything… not even a drink. We can just lock eyes at the bar, slip into the parking lot and do our thing. Beds and romance are for you single chicks, or our husbands, not hook-ups. So if you are trying to get a guy to commit to you and he meets me and I offer this thrilling ride, it’s a wrap and you won’t even know what happened."
Life is funny because years ago this is exactly what happened with a guy I really liked. We met and we had movie-like chemistry and banter. A great physical connection, great conversation, we liked the same things and have a deep love for this country. He was sweet and thoughtful and I got to let out my crazy fun side. Then suddenly, it all changed and I couldn’t understand why. One minute he couldn’t get enough of me and the next… radio silence, or as a friend says ‘nil by mouth’. I did what we women do, blamed myself and my waistline and eventually moved on. A few years later, he told me that he had met someone during that time and that she was married. I was so pissed off about being lied to that I didn’t think about his experience until Friday.
As my friend described passionate trysts in parking lots, time-sensitive nooners in motels, and quickies before mummy picks up the kids, sexting during meetings… it all hit me: This is what happened with X! I am no longer pissed at that X, but I now get exactly what happened. It’s still crap that he didn’t tell me what was happening at the time but I am at least clear that me and my waistline are not to blame; I couldn’t create that kind of illicit feeling because dating me was not ‘illegal’.
So what can we single chicks do about the randy married women in search of a thrilling ride with a commitment-phobic man? That Mrs in pursuit of the elusive ‘in love’ feeling? Absolutely nothing. That commitment-phobic guy will either find her or another excuse to dance around committing to you. Maybe it’s that he just came back home and needs time to adjust, perhaps it’s an ex-girlfriend he can’t shake off, or his drunkard group of pals that he cannot imagine his life without. As for faithful husbands, if your wife is suddenly glowing like when you too were in the first flush of love, 'iko kitu' (there's something) and perhaps you should investigate.