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January 17, 2019

How do I win over the girl of my dreams?

Hello Valentine,

I'm Mike and just completing my first year in campus.

Each time I'm around girls I feel shy and unable to talk 'like a man' despite my talkativeness when in a mixed group. Girls mock me saying I'm a child. They actually refer to me as 'Kamtoi' something that makes me cower away embarrassed.

I believe I am handsome, but I have a slim and athletic body type that girls use to scare me away! I've lost hope and almost retreated to 'lower class girls'. I am embarrassed. Please help me out?

Thanks in advance.


Ouch Mike! This is awful. We sometimes forget how cruel and hurtful some nicknames can be. Calling you Kamtoi is a blatant put down and it immediately lumps you in the ‘asexual’ box with children. Sorry Mike, this sucks.

The good news is that it is your shyness and awkwardness around girls that is causing this situation; not your size. I know a young man who is 6ft tall, muscular and almost weighs 100 kilos and he too is having the same problem you are but this time girls call him a teddy bear.

I suggest that you start by rejecting the name ‘Kamtoi’. Tell these girls that you won’t respond to it and then stop responding, it is after all not your name. Then if you are indeed unable to talk around women you find attractive, remain silent. I won’t suggest you ‘retreat to lower class girls’ but practising your socialising skills with women that you do not find attractive is a very good idea. It may be the kiosk lady, your sister’s girlfriends or girls in the neighbourhood. Practise talking and flirting here. Well thought out compliments will go a long way in making women comfortable around you and this will make you comfortable as well. Comments like ‘that skirt looks good on you’ or ‘I like your hair like that’ are personal compliments but they aren’t too intimate like ‘your butt looks great in those jeans’ which will make you sound creepy.

Remaining silent when you are uncomfortable will give you a chance to calm down and it will change the aura around you to one of mystery. If James Bond and other spies have taught us anything it’s that silence goes a long way with women. We start to think of you as ‘strong and silent’ and we start to impose all manner of qualities that we find attractive on you. Also not everyone deserves to know who you are. As you watch others you will figure out who is trustworthy, kind and worth your time.

You mentioned that you have an athletic build, trust me you do not want to lose that so work out. Play a team sport if you can, run or go to the gym. Exercise will build your confidence and you will get stronger and more attractive. You will also meet like-minded women.

Michael this is a stage in life and you will find your way through it, albeit slowly. In a few years when your peers are fat from too much nyama and beer, you will be the hottest and most mysterious thing around. Remember there are more men who have talked their way out of a woman’s pants than there are men who’ve talked their way in. The way to a woman’s heart is through your ears, listen to her and she will fall for you.

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