So I went out on Friday and bumped into a guy who one of my friend’s swears likes me. It’s been months of a text here, a ‘hey we are in the same restaurant we might as well eat together’ there and other forms of mild flirtation. I say mild because to an oblivious woman like me, it just looked like he was being polite.
So there I was standing at the Mercury ABC bar, over-dressed because I had come from a gala (sometimes my life sounds so glamorous I have to laugh) and three double vodkas into my night when he walked up and said hello.
He is such a dish this man. He looks like he walked out of those Blaxploitation movies.
We started chatting and he said one the nicest things anyone has ever said to me: he called me sensual. I really had to work hard not to fall off my bar stool. Me? Sensual? So I asked him if he likes me and if he’s been hitting on me and I missed it and he said, "Yes Valentine. And I really thought I was being obvious so after no response from you, I let it go." I was stunned. Stunned because, well I thought he was being polite.
When I woke up on Saturday morning, it occurred to me that there might be several young men out there whose amorous attention I have erroneously filed in the ‘polite/pleasant’ category. A few months ago, I let the ladies know that they must make it clear to a guy that it is ok for him to hit on them. I said that after listening to a few male dating experts I came to the conclusion that men do not want to look like fools and so we have to give them ‘permission to hit on us’.
Now guys, you have to be a bit more obvious in your flirtation when you do get that permission. As nice as this man is, he never asked me out on a date. We hang out in the same places so we have bumped into each other and hang out a few times but he never went out of his way to ask me for my time.
Perhaps I am becoming conservative with age, but until a man says "Valentine, I want to see you," I just think he is being nice and is okay with bumping into me randomly.
‘Bumping into me randomly’ does not create dating or relationship until someone makes some kind of declarative statement and being a girl, I do not want to make those statements. I want to be asked out and given the opportunity to put on a pretty little something, maybe even some heels. So what will happen with the dishy man? I have no idea, he still didn’t ask me out.