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February 21, 2019

Promiscuity And Generation Gerrit

Caroline Mutoko at the KEMU function
Caroline Mutoko at the KEMU function

pro·mis·cu·ous adjective

1. characterised by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.

2. consisting of parts, elements, or individuals of different kinds brought together without order.

3. indiscriminate; without discrimination.

4. casual; irregular; haphazard.


I have watched with a mix of concern and slight bemusement as stories around the office and in various places revolve around the pictures and tales of the promiscuous generation hereto known as Generation 'gerrit.' If you have been living under a rock, please get a copy of last Friday’s Pulse Magazine and read it, slowly.

She can get it and so does he. Question is: do the rest of us, the adult population, get it? Do we understand that this isn’t just about raging hormones, too much exposure to porn sites or crazy music videos? Do we realise there is a cry for help? Do we get it that promiscuity is self-mutilation? I read through the blog of a woman a couple of weeks ago describing the pain and emptiness she feels as she subjects herself to mindless, connection-less sex.

“My body is sore and bruised from the different men playing with it. I have bite marks and sore muscles from being contorted at their will. Being flexible doesn’t mean that it won't hurt at times. I’m a doll in their hands. It’s so draining but I just want them to hold me and hug me, I want to be in someone’s arms and this seems to be the only way to get it.

"My body doesn’t even feel like it belongs to me when I’m doing the act. I feel like I’m sometimes watching myself. I basically let them do whatever they like to please them, to make them like me, to stay with me. No-one has so far so I guess it’s not really working. But the moments of company and hugs I do get seem to get me through till the next time.

"I know it sounds stupid and weak but I want someone to rescue me, to keep me safe and love me. I hate this feeling. I hate my body being used but these are what I do to cope, please do not judge me, if I could stop it I really would! I feel like I have no control...”

Promiscuity among young girls and young women is self-mutilation, or as Iyanla Vanzant says, “It’s violence against the self.” Though promiscuity is often ridiculed and frowned upon as a sign that a woman is merely “loose” and wild, it is now being discovered in certain instances random sex with no commitment or emotional connection is evidence of something deeper, like a girl’s own self-hatred.

Note – I’m using the term girl and not woman, because grown women know (or should know) what they are doing every time they engage in a sexual activity. They are not bowing to pressure, they are not looking for attention and they are certainly not experimenting. Young girls on the other hand are simply groping in the dark – aping Kim Kardashian, looking for attention, fame, more often than not affection. Promiscuity among girls is self-mutilation, a sign of depression and more importantly for the rest of us – a cry for help.

What concerns me is how often as grown-ups we try to insist on looking at the issues affecting young people through our life situations today. We totally refuse to put ourselves in their shoes and look around at the world they are growing up in and see how busy, nosy, confusing and conflicting the messages they receive everyday are. We didn’t grow up with Youtube or Twitter or Facebook. We didn’t get to envy the girl who became famous overnight for shaking her rear at an international artiste and achieving fame overnight. There was no Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton with a sex tape. There was no Rihanna half-naked on instagram.

She’s young and she wants her piece of the action.

She’s young and she wants to be validated.

She’s young and she wants to stand out.

She’s young and she wants attention and affection.

She’s young and there’s a hole in her soul that nothing can fill and only when you look into her eyes, can you see the sadness.

You know her, she’s that girl in your class, in university or colleague with you. That girl with the false bravado and “don’t care” attitude. But she does care, otherwise she wouldn’t be putting her naked self and her supposed sexual escapades up for the world to see. She does care and she wants you, him, anyone, to care and she will do anything to get your attention.

Dr Steve Perry says young girls usually act out sexually and look for validation in all the wrong places. His theory (and I beg to differ a little) is that promiscuity is often observed as a common practice among "daddyless daughters". The reason I beg to differ with him is that in my time I have seen girls who have both parents in their lives live wildly promiscuous lives. Tension at home, absent parents, a lack of affection and attention will make any young girl, young lady act out as a call for help or simply in search of what she’s missing.

The one thing Dr Perry and I agree on is that these young girls who engage in the indiscriminate sexual acts don't necessarily even like the guys that much. Heck, they barely know them. Yes, we can shake our heads in sadness, get onto social media and post nasty, naughty, funny comments about them. Oh, we can even write them off as stupid – what we must accept is there is a problem. If we are all honest with ourselves, we know that there is a cry from Generation Gerrit for direction, for help, for support. We just don’t care because we don’t know these girls and they don’t seem to have family or even mothers who care, so why should we? But we should.

My concern isn’t the rising number of nude, misguided, promiscuous young girls parading themselves on social media and everywhere else, my worry is the impressionable 15, 16, or even13-year-old who takes a cue from her and considers it normal.

Generation Gerrit, here’s the deal. "Everybody's life is either a warning or an example. You've got to decide what you're gonna be and you have to draw a line in the sand." – Tony Robbins.


Have a great week ahead.

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