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February 18, 2019

I got my dream girl but she does not like sex

Dear Valentine,

 There is this girl I have wanted for years. She really used to ringa for me but now we are dating. Valentine, I am so disappointed because she does not like sex. In fact she does not move; it is like she wants to just finish. What do I do?



Wow Isaac. This is like saving for your dream car then you finally get it and it drives like that 17-year-old junk that you have been dealing with for years. Pole sana.

It sounds like this woman is still ringa-ing for you, and pulling 'the dead roach' move (picture a dead cockroach lying on its back). It's like she thinks that because she is beautiful and you have wanted her for years then the fact that you are now getting to see her naked regularly should be enough. I have heard this complaint frequently from men: "hot chicks don’t think they have to do much in bed, they are lazy."

The solution here is to stop thinking of her as your dream woman, because frankly when it comes to sex, she isn’t. A great sex life is created by two people who are committed to it. You have to tell her that you would want a different kind of sex life and then ask her what is in the way. Please do not have this conversation in your bedroom, it would be best when you are driving somewhere and not looking at each other in the eye.

You may find that she may like sex but be shy about expressing herself; or that she does not know how to have sex yet. She may simply be self-conscious about what she imagines she looks like while in the act. Perhaps she was taught that ‘good girls’ don’t enjoy sex so she is hiding her pleasure from you. Maybe she was told that turning up is all she needs to do and the rest is up to you - the man. You will not know until you ask and frankly most sex questions are a lot more complicated than they first appear.

While you are having sex, try reminding her that you think she is gorgeous and beautiful. Also , perhaps you can hold her hips and move them for her, this way she will learn what to do. Ask her what positions she likes and what her dream sex night would look like. Sharing some of your fantasies will help put her at ease.

It is great that you are hanging in there, and you got the woman of your dreams Isaac. Talk to her and find out exactly what is going on, really listen to her and I think you will be pleasantly surprised.




Weekend Sex Tip


The weather is unseasonable warm and sunny, so why not take advantage of it? Try something new and outdoorsy together. It does not have to be expensive; you could go for a hike in Karura Forest or the Arboretum together. Working up a sweat will give you the opportunity to talk, it will create memories and you may get to see each other in a whole new light.

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