It is the end of the year; you are probably evaluating all aspects of your life including your relationship. You have been dating this man for a considerable length of time.
You feel like your relationship should move to the next level. However, your thoughts are not in line with your partner’s. You want to know if you should carry over your relationship to the New Year or you should quit and start afresh.
You are in a dilemma, you do not know how to tell if your man is serious or not. I went round, asked some questions and did some research that will be of help to you as you make that crucial decision.
It has been said that one of the most difficult things in dating is to decode a man’s true intentions. Below are the seven main signs that will guide you in telling if your man is serious with you or not.
1. He respects you
“If I am in love with a certain girl and I want to be exclusive with her, I treat her with respect because she deserves it. I am usually courteous, careful with my words and behave in a respectable manner especially when she is around. I also make a point of calling her up just to check on her every now and then. However, if she is my convenient girl, I would not care too much about my image and I would call her only when it is convenient for me especially Friday evening,” Makau said.
Ladies, it is very easy to know when a man is being disrespectful towards you. If you notice he is not respecting you and you just decide to stick, then do so at your own risk because chances are that he will never learn to respect you.
2. You stand the test of distance and time
The first six months of dating is the attraction phase and if your man is still crazy about you after the sixth month then that is a good sign.
If by any chance you are separated by distance (due to work or other factors) and he is still into you as he was when he was near you, he could genuinely be in love with you.
“When I am genuinely in love with a lady, my desire for her does not wane over time. If distance sets us apart my desire to communicate with her heightens. I look forward to seeing her every passing day. However, if I am with a woman for fun, it will be ‘out of sight, out of mind for me,” Moses said.
3. He talks and plans about his future with you.
“It has been three and a half years now, and I have never heard my man talking about our future. I recently mentioned that we should sit down and talk about it, but he said he still has four more years to go before getting married. I told him I will give him time, but I am planning an exit. I am not ready to put my life on hold for someone who is not sure of himself,” Grace said.
Well, if he does not talk about his future with you, it is simply because you are not in it. A man who loves you will talk about his plans for the relationship.
He might talk about things like; how many kids you will have, where you will settle down and stuff like that. While he is talking about the future, a ‘we’ element will be felt. Be very careful with him if he is an “I” person.
4. He introduces you to his friends
Please note by introducing you, I mean introducing you as his girlfriend. If your man ever introduces you as a ‘friend’, do not even walk away, run! Why, because this tells you he wants you in his life just as a friend.
Oh, let us go back to the point, so you have been dating him for a year and you have never met his friends or family? Don’t you find it rather strange? Girl, when you mean something to someone they will want to show you off but not hide you.
“I have been in a relationship for a year. I have always asked my man to introduce me to some of his friends but he always said his male friends will take me away from him because I am ‘too hot’. He said he wanted to surprise them by asking them to accompany him to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage in August. Just before August, he disappeared from my life, his phone went off and he had shifted from his rental house. I knew none of his friends or relatives. I was duped, used and dumped," Lucy said.
5. He shares his personal information and his life with you.
I am not telling you to go asking for the Pin number to his bank accounts, passwords to his emails or Face book accounts. What I mean is that you should know where he works, lives and things like that.
If he is keeping this from you, just know he does not want you to know him well and would not wish to see your relationship grow any further.
“Ochieng’ was very open about his life, career, goals, aspiration and hobbies. He always wanted my support and sometimes opinion in matters regarding his life. I knew he was serious about me; his tone said it all. He slowly gained my trust and I felt very appreciated to know that I was part of his life even though we were not married. We eventually got married and this is our fourth month in marriage and I am happy to have found him,” Wambui said.
6. He wants to know you on a deeper level.
You have dated this man for a considerable length of time now. Does your man ask you about your dreams and aspirations?
Does he want to know more about your hobbies, your siblings, your parents? Is he concerned about your career? If you answered ‘no’ to the three questions, then I would advise you to evaluate your relationship.
“I am dating this girl and to be honest I do not even know how many they are in her family. I also don't know where exactly she works. Well, I just know that it is somewhere in town and that’s it. I do not really want to know about all these because, I do not need to. I am not planning to go far with her, so why bother? I am sticking around as I try to find a better girl,” Stanley said.
7. He is always there for you.
“I knew that Ken genuinely loved me and was serious about me when I lost my father through a road accident. It is at this point that I felt his love and compassion the most. He stayed when everyone else left. He gave me faith and strength when I needed it the most. He handled my irritability and mood swings. He loved me when I least deserved it and for that, he will always hold a special place in my heart,” Fatuma said.
When your partner cares for you, supports you and help you especially when you are in some problem, please do not lose him. He is a good man and you are special to him.
8. If he talks about you.
Even the sacred book says “from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh”. Ordinarily when someone means a lot to us, we will find ourselves talking about them. If he is into you, most likely he will bring you up in his conversations from time to time.
My friends and I were seated somewhere unwinding on a Friday evening. George teasingly asked Kamau why he was always talking about Nancy- his girlfriend.
“Nancy is the woman after my heart; I am in love with her. She has everything I need in a woman and more. She is the woman I want to spend my life with. She dominates my thoughts and sometimes I do not even notice that I am talking about her,” Kamau said.
Finally ladies, as you make that decision, please note that the seriousness of a man should not be measured in terms of how much money he spends on you or the nice things he says to you. Be wise and see beyond money or nice words.