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Thursday, August 17, 2017

Raverend Reloaded: Of workers gone AWOL and hacking ‘experts’

Socialite Vera Sidika, whose Instagram account was hacked
Socialite Vera Sidika, whose Instagram account was hacked

Five days after elections and my city is still staggering to recovery, with most Kenyans choosing to stay indoors and give themselves forced leave in the name of chaos... How every Kenyan skipped work after voting on the 7th beats me... The excuse of the cosmetic violence in some parts of Nairobi was total BS! I actually support all employers who will will deal with absentee employees accordingly... I have always believed Kenya is a country of hard working people, guys who respect their hustle and not ghost workers...

I call out all the EPs (enemies of progress) who send or share alarming messages on social media without verification... I’m sure the fire that will burn you in the afterlife is currently doing press-ups, waiting for your lying asses... Too much fake news, too much propaganda... If every five years Kenya will be closing shop for one week just because of elections, my country needs more than divine intervention...

Politicians and their supporters must accept that not winning is a natural part of a democratic competition. The culture of conceding needs to be embraced by our leaders because in the sport called politics, we can only have one winner... My local viva lounge has been operational all through the week and it’s amazing how all the guys at the bar, including the staff, have all over sudden turned into IT experts... Everyone has become an expert in hacking science, even that watchie who helps me park the car and can’t decide his left from his right is now a hacking specialist...

Talking about hacking, it’s not only IEBC systems that were hacked... Our very own socialite Vera Sidika has lost her Instagram account to a hacker... Vera has a following of about 600,000 followers... That’s more than what most politicians got in the just-concluded elections, BTW... She has lost control of her page, the same page where she transacts all her business as a socialite... Kenyans have no idea how crucial her Direct Instagram message is... If the DM is to be leaked, nations will go to war, not to mention the divorce courts in the entire region will be very busy... So Kenyans need to help Vera get her Instagram account back before the hacker starts World War lll!

ION, the search for #GitheriMan is still going on... For the guys who are under a rock and have no idea who #GitheriMan is, let the Raverend educate you... #GitheriMan is the old man in a brown blazer who was pictures on August 8, queuing to vote as he chewed his githeri, which was packed in a translucent polythene bag also known as “Juala”. The man, who has become an overnight sensation, a Kenyan icon and a hero for uniting Kenyans, is still at large and finding him is of paramount importance...

After IEBC, #GitheriMan is the most talked-about individual worldwide... So if #Githeriman is your relative, bae or neighbour, please get in touch with #TheRaverend or call Kiss100 on 0711046100...

[Editor’s Note: The man has since been found by a local TV station]

Moving on to the winners in the 2017 general election, #TheRaverend would like to celebrate all the youginz/millennials who reigned supreme against all odds... #TheRaverend salutes the 23-year-old MCA-elect, Kilibwoni Central, Nandi county, the youngest female MCA ... John Mwirigi, the 24-year-old university student and MP-elect for Igembe South constituency, who ran as an independent... Comedian John Kiarie, MP Dagoretti South... Charles Njagua, MP-elect Starehe... Former Sonu leader Babu Otieno, MP-elect Embakasi East, and Moha Jicho Pevu, MP-elect Nyali!

#TheRaverend also celebrates the three women governors who have joined the men-only club 47... For the first time in Kenya’s history, the country will have three women seating in the Council of Governors, and I think that’s a great achievement... Tonight, I’m looking forward to being invited to all or any victory parties. Even if you don’t believe I voted for you, let’s drink and make merry as one. Yaliyopita si ndwele!

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