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Thursday, July 27, 2017

The Raverend: East or west, home is best: Let’s drink to that!

With less than 25 daysto go before Kenyans decide who will be the next tenant of the house on the hill, the potential candidates are growing very anxious as they hope that the landlords, aka the Kenyan voters, give them the key to presidency for the next five years... Even the deaths that have rocked the political class can’t compete with the race to State House...

Now that #TheRaverend is across the Atlantic... My barman Njoro believes I have no clue on what’s happening in the 254, so he sent me a chat on WhatsApp when we lost the the security boss and before I could even respond, Njoro sent another chat on the demise of the TotalMan!!!

Last I checked, people die everyday, it’s only in Kenya where we treat death like it’s a strange thing... Kenyans die everyday. Rich or poor, we all going down the same route... Election time or not, death is always around the next corner...

The only time death should surprise us is when death itself dies!!! Now that’s breaking news!!! So for us who are still breathing, can we just focus on that, appreciate and keep living, respect the dead and move on... Celebrating the dead is cool, hating on the dead on the other hand is just weak!!! So all you guys on social media and bar counters who have some smart comments about a dude that’s dead... Please just stop!!!

ION, we have photos of Uhunye sipping some keroro trending, en why that’s a thing beats me... I don’t trust a leader/President who doesn’t drink... Yeah, I said it... The last time Kenya was run by a sober president, niggah stayed in power for 24 years after getting drunk with power...

RAO confirmed to Kenyans that he's fit as a fiddle after he got a stomach upset after eating some mutura in Malindi... So for all the alarmists who tried to create panic, “Mshindwe Pepo Mbaya”. I believe God loves Kenya and nothing monkey will happen to any of our politicians before we get a new tenant of the house on the hill...

Bumping into Kenyans in the diaspora has made #TheRaverend realise that east or west, home is definitely the best... Most Kenyans who live outside the 254 have no life, plus they regret the decision to relocate... All the folks in the diaspora do is work en work some more, no free time and no time to socialise. The only time they get to socialise is Sunday at church...

So to all the millennials who think diaspora is another word for greener pastures, that’s a big, fat lie... We got it good in the 254, no doubt about it!

Another person trending in the diaspora from the 254 is Papa Jones!!! Yeah, Khaligraph has stopped removing tint and he's now pulling Dracula moves after he appeared in his latest video sleeping in a coffin... The Kenyans in theStates are confused not with the coffin stunt or the removing of the tint, but with Khaligraph's accent, with many assuming he's one of them who got tired of flipping burgers in Trump's landing and decided to go back home like Nyash and maxed it... You have no idea how many times I had to confirm Khaligraph is not from America or has never been to America!!!

Tonight’s major plan is #MakeWestieGreatAgain, as Sting Bar, formerly Skyluxx, officially opens its doors... So tonight, the great migration from Gallana back to the red-light district is On like porn!!! Meanwhile, let’s enjoy the rain, remember we prayed for it... We needed it, now we gat ittt!!!


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