Target No 4 is an Arab. He has a thing for black girls and will be an easy mark. He is the last guy on my blackmailing list.
The scam is simple. I sleep with him, wait a while and tell him I’m pregnant. Oh, did I mention I actually am? But I’ll be getting rid of it soon. Once we are done with him and the Prude (Target No 3 ).
The Prude and I are all over the Internet, by the way. But that’s a story for another day.
Right now, my focus is on this last guy. Mr N and I are texting each other about him. Apparently he has a mistress he is in love with. His wife may not be too happy about him knocking up a black girl, either. Mr N has just called me out on my ability to sleep with someone when I have feelings for someone else and I’d like to divert the conversation away from me and back to the Arab.
Me: I understand Arabs are more into the backdoor than the more traditional approach.
Him: In terms of physical relations? Yes.
Him: Have you ever tried it?
Him: A virgin, how quaint.
Me: Have you?
Me: Did you like it?
Me: Doesn’t that make you a little gay?
Him: What? No!
Me: I’m jus’ saying, it’s all the same.
Him: It’s not. A woman’s behind is NOT the same as a man’s.
Me: Ha ha. If you say so.
Him: I say so.
Me: You have never tried it with me.
Him: Do you want me to?
Me: I’m just wondering why you haven’t.
Him: One tends to ease into these things.
Me: No pun intended?
Him: Ha ha. You’re hilarious.
I pause. Easy banter with Mr N always makes me feel a little mawkish. I have never tried this kind of thing, which may be surprising, considering my passing interest in BDSM. I wonder what it would be like. This is an odd conversation to have first thing in the morning. I gulp down the rest of my coffee and decide to be bold.
Me: Does it hurt?
Him: Not if you use a lube.
Me: I suppose I’ll find out soon enough.
Him: No. He has to ring the front door.
Me: What if he insists?
Him: How will you convince him you’re pregnant if you let him use alternate routes?
Me: #Alternative Facts
Him: Ha ha.
Me: I think we should try it first.
Him: Me and you?
Me: Yes. Just in case, I’d like to know what to expect.
He takes some time before answering and when he eventually sends a message it has nothing to do with any of this.
Him: Who is it you have feelings for?
Him: Earlier you said you had feelings for someone. Who?
Uh uh. Where is he going with this?
Me: What does that have to do with anything?
Him: You’re jumping into bed with every Tom, Dick and Harry. I’m just curious about which man actually won you over.
Me: If you must know, it’s…
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