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Sunday, June 25, 2017

My standards are valid

My standards are valid
My standards are valid


“I like a woman with a big behind,” Tom muttered to his friends.

“Yeah, me too! I would marry one from Western or Coast,” Richard jumped in cheerfully.

“Add brains and beauty, and it’s a wrap,” Harry concluded.

That is how the conversation went a few days ago when a taarab song came on the television. Doesn’t it amaze you how decisive and specific men can be? Especially when it comes to matters about marriage and starting a family. You may have dated for as long as five years, but if you don’t fit the image and character of whom he aims to make his wife, he will not propose.  This is why the same man may later pop the question to the other lady who he just started seeing four months ago. She fits the bill. Similarly, a guy may sleep around with – what you would call – ‘loose women’ year in year out all through his 20s. But when the time comes, he’ll decide to settle down with a responsible and charming wife.

The motive of a relationship often determines the standard of the partner you will choose. If the purpose of my relationship is wanting to ‘have fun’ or ‘not be lonely and alone’, I will most likely settle for less. On the other hand, if I want a partnership for life, I would be more particular with my choice. Even the most ordinary of men have a deliberate list of things they want in a wife; right down to the education background, behaviour, wealth, and even body size. They get it. This is a person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. In other words, you will need to like her or him for a very very long time. That is why I do not get it when a woman proclaims to want a loyal, caring, smart, funny, financially stable, responsible and good-looking man for a husband. Many are quick to say this man does not exist. Or that she wants “too much”.

You want to know why I would not settle? Do you want to know why, just like the men in our society, I will be particular with the person I will call my husband? It is because I will not marry just to pass time. I will not tie the knot just to appease my friends and accommodate him – or the public. I will not get hitched just to fit in. I will not marry a lesser man just to prove some misguided notion. I will not get into a long-term relationship to stroke egos. I will not give my happiness up so as to verify these common misconceptions. I will be true to myself. And this particular self has standards.  

No it’s not always about the man. It’s about me too. It’s about me marrying a man who will make me happy, challenge me and make me want to become a better woman. A man who will inspire me and treat me right. It’s not just about the man; it’s about the children I will have with him. It’s about them having a dad they will look up to. It’s about our kids being happy, having big dreams and manifesting confidence because their parents are the best examples. It’s about them being loved, provided for and taught the right lessons to prosper in life.

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